A New Life To Be Myself

Soon im going to be finishing highschool and i am moving to Toronto for school, and all i can think is that i don't have to act as a goodie-two-shoes girl anymore. No one knows about my cutting, only a few selected friends. But where i live no one knows me like this. In grade 8 i changed...i changed a lot...but i felt the need to hide it and pretend to be the happy go lucky girl i was....i wish i hadn't. Now most of my life is a lie, but when i move i get to change that. I can go find people that are like me and we can talk about it. Why must i live a lie to make my mother happy? That's all this is. And when i move i can do things and get help when i need it without her knowing. i can walk around my room without worrying about her walking in and seeing my scars... She would be so ashamed if she knew what i did. She went through mental and physical abuse as a kid and she stayed strong the entire time until she could leave. I live a much better life than she did...why did i give up? And why can't i quit. It might be better for me to leave, or it might be even worse for me.