Why I Cut Myself.

Hello :) My name is Jessica. I seem like he nice, funny, shy one but I guess I am not, At my school kids are just plane rude. I get called numerous names for no reason at all. S*ut , wh*re, fat as$, no good, ugly, blonde b*tch, etc I am by no means popular. I have only 5 maybe 6 true friends that I ca talk to and trust, but now my BEST FRIEND EVER Tessa is turning against me. She calls me names behind my back and tells lies to my ex-boyfriend who I still have strong feelings for. He was my everything. She caused us to brake up and she acted like my friend. Now she is telling him I hate him and it has me in the middle of a bunch of drama. Also it doesn't help when my family treats me like sh*t. I get abused by my younger brother and he gets away with it. If I hit him back I get in alot of trouble. My mom and I don't get along she calls me names sometimes to. and when my parents aren't fighting my dad turns into a complete a*shole. I cut because it takes the pain away. It takes away the emotional pain with physical pain some people think it's oh so bad to cut but it helps me in a way . I get lost into my own world, and shut everything out. No I have not been dumb enough to make a really deep cut.  I have had thoughts about suicide but the only reason I am still here is because of my 4 Best friends. Sorry if I boared you it just feels good to get some of it out where I won't be judged. :'(
HockeyPrincess5274 HockeyPrincess5274
13-15, F
1 Response Sep 12, 2012

I know I'm a little older than you, 22, but I was just reading different stories and I came across yours. I had a very similar experience as you throughout most of my grade school years. My only 3 "friends" I had, because like u, I have always been very, very shy, I found out weren't really my friends at all. I found this out in high school is when I stopped trusting them. They were my part time friends. I started cutting when I was around 13-14. I'm still trying to get over it to this day. You're right though, it takes u into ur own world, and u can " disappear." My parents went thru a nasty divorce with the kids being mostly I the middle all the time, and so that didn't help the situation at all. Also I was bullied from about 4th grade up to my senior year, which contributes to my self harm. I'm a normal looking average guy, I was just always vulnerable and ways very shy. I see a therapist bi weekly now and on medication to try and conquer my issues. My point is, your not alone with cutting and self harm, and if u find you can't take it anymore, please tell someone so u can get the help you need. Don't be ashamed of getting help, the hardest thing I had to do was come clean, but its a HUGE burden lifted off of you once you do tell someone. And yes, I have struggled with suicidal thoughts also. One thing my "part time" friends didn't realize is that I was one of the most loyal and trustworthy people they'd probably ever meet. To bad for them...
If u need to talk, feel free to message me, I'm on pretty often, so ill see the message. Take care :)