Sooo

Probably shouldn't be here...seeing pictures and talking about cutting is a bit of a trigger for me...
I'm not sure why..I've never made much effort to understand my cutting, not even in therapy. Everyone said it would help but I just lie. It is just my first reaction to any question I don't want to answer.
Are you suicidal? --no
Have you cut recently?--no
I can't even help it. It comes out before I even have time to think. I haven't cut in...oh, I'd say at LEAST a few weeks. I was trying my hardest to get a razor apart and gave up..I got the end of the blade out and cut on my palm..it was easy to hide there...

I can still see the small white scar it left. It felt so...right...

It makes all the stress, anxiety and pain just disappear. There is only the cold bite and stream of blood and NOTHING else matters at that moment. Later, I can push or scrape the scab to feel the throbbing pain again and it helps.

I've been told SI is bad and there are better ways to deal with things but...as my therapist has said, I just don't have that thing that others do that helps them get over things....I use cutting in its stead and it has helped me through more than I can count..

But I still resist it...I still try my damnedest to make everyone around me happy.
Hitshufflereplay Hitshufflereplay
18-21, F
Sep 15, 2012