As Of Lately....

I've been self harming for over a year now, but just in the last 4 months I have started genuinely cutting. In fact, I just added another 20 cuts to my collection less than 5 mins ago. Normally, I harm just to calm me down, give me feeling, but now, I'm a bit suicidal. Well, more than a bit, I'd say. I have planned killing myself...must be at least a hundred times now. IT doesn't take much to set me off, a bad twist in a movie, a joke going around school, I feel like it's not IF I'm going to do it but WHEN now.I just get these moments where I feel nothing at all, complete numbness, then about an hour later it wears off and I want to kill EVERYONE, including myself. It's not even just the people I don't have a particular fondness for, it's just everyone. Anyone,anything, I want to strangle it, knife it, bash it's head in. If it has a head that is.And when I'm not going on a rampage,numb, or plotting my death, I'm hopelessly depressed. Now I apologize if this isn't really in the right group, I'd rather not slit my wrists to do it, but cutting's been with me since it started, so I figured it'd be a good place.

Sincerely,
A fellow Cutter
jinkxthewolf jinkxthewolf
18-21, F
Sep 25, 2012