How I Started Cutting Myself

I'm a christian girl, and so this church I was going to, for prolly 2 or 3 yrs, I would go to youth group like every Tue. with alot of people. We have game nights on Friday night's, so middle school and high school combine together I was in high school 16yrs old. This male youth group leader added me on facebook, we were friends he was like 6yrs older than me, started talking to me on facebook on chat simple conversation, then it turned he started asking me question's, inappropriate question's like "do you want to be with a girl?" he was just being sexual with was gross. I was just shocked at first didn't kno what to do. I talked to his sister which was a leader at the time, and told her everthing that happened and she called me a liar, He also did and said inappropriate stuff with my one friend I dont wanna say, just wanna keep that priviate. My pastor talked to him about everything with me and my one friend at the time, he told him to leave bc it was best for everyone, they didn't want to call the cops and have it on the news.
Like a month later I started to cut myself near my wrist, I couldn't stop thinking about the stuff he had said to me, ever since then I've been cutting for almost 4yrs now. I would do it on my hip, arm and wrist now. I use to burn myself but didn't work like the cutting did for me. 3 and a half yrs of cutting i hated doing it, these past few months I love to do it, its like a rush or just a relief for me. I doesn't matter what mood I'm in I can do it whenever I want too now.
I dont want anyone's help, I dont want people to feel sorry for me or have to try to fix me bc its wrong. I love to cut and I love the taste of my blood that comes pouring out as I cut myself ^_^
xemohellokittyx xemohellokittyx
18-21, F
Nov 30, 2012