My Fault

I ******* put my family $20,000 more in debt.
I pay for my moms gas. I pay to feed my brothers. I pay because my mom can't. Because she doesn't have the money. And she doesn't have the money because of me.
It's my fault. If I hadn't ****** up, we would be almost out of debt. We would be living in a house. We wouldn't be eating McDonald's for dinner because we can't afford the gas to buy groceries. My mom wouldn't have lost her job. My dad wouldn't be so stressed and mad and yell at me. He might love my brother again. He wouldn't feel like a failure of a father. He wouldn't need therapy. My sister would want to come see us every weekend. I wouldn't have relapsed.
If I hadn't asked to go inpatient at the mental hospital, I wouldn't be here. If I had cut a little deeper, taken a few more pills, gotten a stronger rope, jumped... If i would just kill myself, everything would be okay.
somethingbecomingnothing somethingbecomingnothing
22-25, F
1 Response Dec 3, 2012

I'm happy you're still here with us. Try not to be so angry at yourself right now. The you right now knows you've learned and made mistakes. You may have made some mistake but that happens to us all.. at 16, 25, 50.. maybe your parents have made mistakes too in the past and they're angry because they have to relive stress and don't want to see you go through things. I'm sure they love you and things are tough right now. If everyone is against you, you can't be against you too, ok? Because you of today is stronger than you were before.