I Cut..

The school called my mom because they seen some cuts on my arm i said it was kitten scratches but it wasn't. i was self harming, I have for 3 and a half years now, I'm only 13 and now she wants to put me in a mental home because I wont eat because i cant, i wish she would understand, i have a tube in my throat and she even knows about it! I get called names everyday, w hore . s lut , b itch etc!! It sucks! I get called fat everyday!! I am only 92 pounds because i wont eat,
To this day I still self harm......
I don't want to be put in a mental home what do I do?!??!
foreveraloneinpain foreveraloneinpain
13-15, F
5 Responses Dec 27, 2012

I don't think that you need to be in a mental hospital. A rehab clinic would probably be better. Either way, you need help. If you continue this lifestyle you will die.

I don't think i will die.

That is because you are young. Everyone thinks that they will not die when they are young. Everyone DOES die. Sooner or later. You need to take care of your head and heart. Being in a hospital only puts you out of the game for a short amount of time. Forever alone in pain does not have to always be your user name. Make a choice to take care of YOU.

i try

It's going to be alright.
I know exactly what you are going through. When you feel there is no way out, and when you do cut, that very moment the blade hits the skin, it's relieving. I know. But, what you have to realize is that it is not changing your external world. It may be helping you escape mentally and feel like that is the only control you have, your only will, your only place for peace. But, I can assure you that it is not. I was bullied as well in school so badly that I became home schooled right after 8th grade. I was like you, I was in over my head and felt like there was no light left. Now, I am almost 20 years of age, in college and I never imagined the person I grew into after all of it. You need to look inside of you, see the beauty of who you are; look around you and see the ones who love you. Each person is a painting. People walk by and give their own opinion, give reasons what they think it means, or why the artist painted it, etc. But, what is most important is what the artist felt, saw, expressed to create such a beautiful contribution to life; Not what everyone else thinks. And believe me i know how hard it is to ignore those people. So I am not going to sit here and tell you to just "buck up" or "grow up", I am here to tell you that I am truly sorry for what is happening. But, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You'll get there. Not over night, but with time and room you give yourself to grow out of these escape routes.
Regarding your parents, they are just scared. Mine were too, they did put me into a hospital and i only stayed for 4 days. But, what it taught me is that during those moments when I would run to the blade for escape, is the reason for many negative feelings I had was that I was intentionally trapping myself in my own little box because it was familiar.
All in all, you are not alone. You will get through this and when you come out you will be stronger than you ever imagined. Keep your head up kiddo, you have a lot of life ahead
of you. And you are as important to the world as the oxygen we need to breathe.
I wish you the best. Take care.

I was in the hospital for a month and then i got let go because i didn't want to be there! I will never ever be the same.

Yes i wish i could stop

Then maybe talking to a proffessional is the best thing to do, not neccassarily commited that could be to much but there are people out there who can help. Life can seem dull upsetting down right horrible at times but it can and will get better and I really hope the right people are in place to get you there.

It gets my feelings out.

There are better ways. Does it bother you that you cut do you wish you could stop?

I won't sit here and lie to you and say that I know how it feels to be driven to cutting, I have not. I have felt tottally alone, unloved, unwanted, hated myself for many reason. I also have helped a very close family member through some serious issues with cutting etc with the help of a trained mental health proffessional, your not eating is not healthy. I just watned to say if you would like to talk feel free to drop me a message I would be glad to listen to what is on your mind, and if you like offer some objective advice. Good luck, and hope things look up soon.

I have cut for 3 and a half years and my parents want to put me in a home

What makes you feel you need to do this?