It Makes Me Feel Better

I've cut since I was about 13. The first time I did it was actually an accident. I was shaving and cut myself really bad, but instead of being in pain I actually loved the way it felt. So the next day I took apart my razor and did it again but this time on my wrist. I had heard about it before and how it can help you feel better emotionally even though it's inflicting physical pain, but I didn't realize how wonderful it could feel. It's my escape from my parents. They don't understand anything about me, it's like they are emotionless robot parents who only look out for what's best for them. They really don't care about how I feel, and especially how their actions can effect me. If they sit around and talk all the time about how much they want me outta the house so that they can retire and say things like "Well if she wasn't here we could". It just makes me hate the fact that I was ever born. Honestly I'm probably a mistake anyway because my sisters are 8 and 10 years older than me so there is no way on God's green earth that I was planned. Anyways, I feel like my cutting is starting to get outta control. At first I thought I would be able to control it and everything would be ok if I just did it 2 or 3 times a day (like only make 2 or 3 cuts a day) I thought that would help keeping it under control and not get outta hand. Well I couldn't have been more wrong. The cutting controls me. I kept making exceptions, for example I'd be like "Well I can make as many cuts today as I want as long as I go back to only doing a few tomorrow". I can't count the number of times I told myself that, and not one time did I actually follow through.
DeadOnTheInside771 DeadOnTheInside771
13-15, F
1 Response Jan 6, 2013

Felt the same

Any advise to help stop?

get rid of the shavers and stop shaving