I Cut Again Today

I cut again today. It had been nearly 6 months!
I can't believe myself. It makes me hate myself more.
But now that I've started again, I don't want to stop.
I love the feel of the cold steel blade going across my skin.
I love seeing the blood pour out and run down my arms.
When will I get past this...? It feels like I need it to survive.
I had gotten better at hiding my emotions too.
Now I can't seem to smile.
I can't seem to get these horrible thoughts out of my head.
Nothing helps.
Only the pain.
HyperAngel HyperAngel
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 16, 2013

One thing that can sometimes help me is art. Art of many forms helps lots of people. I have always sketched and recently started painting. Sometimes just not thinking about anything and listening to music, I can just 'float away' from this world and just let the paint flow to a canvas. I know its sounds clique and dumb but it really can help.

Im a dancer. I usually dance to help me, but I have no studio access at the moment and there's nowhere else I can go. I may have to start an art class or something.

Thanks :)

Screw classes and studios! Dance down the halls, in your room, outside. Paint every thing and nothing with no plan in mind. The best feeling and best completed art comes impromptu ;)

I completely agree with you how the best art comes when improvising! Just wish I had more privacy so I don't look stupid dancing around my house haha. Oh well, guess i'll have to do it anyway, as long as it gets those bad feeling away :)