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Mistakes

I first started cutting by mistake. I was upset, really upset, and was doing dishes, I grabbed the blade end of a knife and cut my palm open. At first it burned, and then out of the blue I laughed. I know it sounds weird, but something about the way it looked made me laugh. I couldn't help it.
Since that day whenever I feel upset I find cutting myself even the smallest cut makes me feel better. In my opinion focusing on the pain of the cut gets rid of all the pain.
Sometimes I really wish I could stop, mostly whenever I wear t-shirts and people stare at my arms, questioning looks in their eyes. I have tried to stop multiple times but each time I stop I find myself wanting to cut more and more. Usually I give Into the want. Cutting provides a way out for me and I can't help but take it.
deleted deleted 26-30 Feb 9, 2013

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