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Origins And Nearing End

I started when I was about 13. I had only a few friends and 1 close one through middle school and I got rather lonely a lot. I heard about people cutting but didn't think too much about it until I was holding a blade from a broken pencil sharpener. I made a little incision leaving a red scar that healed quickly.

Then I was hooked.

I liked the red scarring on my skin and soon the cuts began getting bigger as I got confident and brushed off the sting. Since then it's been an on and off thing every few months or weeks. I'd do then on my upper arms and thighs, also across my chest. The sting made me feel alive, responsive as I was in a constant burn throughout the day, but I liked it.

I do it to have the scars and just watch them heal, it fascinates me to see the thick red lines across me from cuts of which I'd let heal for a few days and then cut again on that same spot. I do it in simple patterns on my legs like several aligned cuts and just seeing the drips roll off. The last time I did it was about 3 weeks ago, a few days before I was getting a puppy, so it wasn't always when I would feel lonesome or down but often times when I'd be really active. Before starting this semester of school, I had a hard time sleeping because of the odd exciting of school so I cut the night before. It calmed me.

I have the feeling of cutting again, but it's not too potent and I'm probably going to abstain from it for a while. Maybe even stop.
epsilon4130 epsilon4130 18-21, M Apr 6, 2013

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