The first time I cut was at the end of July. My mom and I were fighting because we had just gotten back from a psychiatrist visit. She wanted me to go on Zoloft for GAD and chronic depression. I was scared to, because I am only 14 and I was scared about getting addicted to them and I wanted to solve my problems on my own. My mom was getting really mad at me for not wanting to take them, so once we got home from an hour of silence I went and sat on my bed. I was so depressed and angry and I didn't know what to do. So I slipped out of my bedroom into the bathroom just across the hall. I had taken a small shaving razor from my mom's bathroom a few days ago, and I pulled it out, feeling numb. I washed it off and picked off the white safety strips of plastic (to prevent then pulled my shorts up just above my knee. I took the razor and made three small cuts. I liked the feeling. It made me calm, it made relax, it helped me get past my anger. It didn't bleed much, so I used Kleenax and blotted the rest of the blood away then hid it carefully in the garbage can. When someone would see the three cuts I would just tell them I nicked myself shaving or my cats scratched me. They brushed it off, and no one knew what had really happened. I have learned to cut myself higher on my legs so no one sees, and I also moved to my wrists. My parents divorce last February and I grew up with an abusive father, abusive grandparents and aunts and uncles, a high-anxiety mother, and depression-prone, anxiety-prone, psychotic-prone, alcoholic-prone genetics. I don't know if I'm going to stop, to be honest. I like doing it. It helps me when no one else can.
XmeganlindseyX XmeganlindseyX
16-17, F
2 Responses Aug 23, 2014

I tell them I had a fight with a rose bush

Here, on ep, people are willing to help you instead of you resorting to having to cut yourself! I'm one of them :) if you want to talk add me or message me ^-^ I know what you are going through and have had some experience! Feel free to message me anytime! <3