Stop!

my mother kept threatening that she would take me to christian counseling if she found any more cuts, but she said that like three times. i didn't think she would actually follow through. i cant believe this. she told me last night that she had set an appointment for both of us. i have seven other siblings and one more on the way, they do not need to be spending this kind of money on me! what is christian counseling anyway? it sounds like the christian version of a shrink. i wouldn't know what to say to them anyway. i don't know if i should even bother trying or just keep my silence. why cant she just let me go through this myself. she is not helping. after she told me and she finally stopped trying to talk with me, i locked myself in the bathroom for almost two hours. (its the only place i can really get privacy around here.) i love my mother very much and i don't want her to worry, but sometimes i wish she would just butt out.

i feel like something is closing around me and if i don't get out soon i will be trapped. i wish i could go someplace where nobody knew. where i would have friends and they wouldn't stress about me. someplace out of here. at times i wish so much that i could just jump into a favorite movie or book. like x-men for example. if only i could actually go to the Xavier Institute! but, unfortunately, there is no such place, nor any like it. im stuck in this box and it wont stop closing around me.

InvisibileBestia InvisibileBestia
18-21, F
8 Responses Feb 25, 2010

yes, they did :] God never abandoned me. He brought me out and showed me what i needed to Understand.

Please message me. My KIK is unicorntastic and i dont feel comfortable stating my skype or oovoo on here. please message me?

yeah i think i have pretty much t01d her everything,

You wrote this a year ago, and you're still cutting, obviously things hasent worked out for you yet. tell the councellor everything?

thank you, that is very kind

You can talk to me if you want to, if you think that would help

Yes. i still feel trapped and depressed, and am still cutting, but the counseling is ok. The counselor is kind and understanding. i have not told her everything, like that i want to die, but otherwise i don't have to hide for an hour. Which is nice. Still wish i could go to the Xavier Institute.

Did things work out for you?