Can You Relate? You Have The Power To Stop!

Before you make that first cut, remember--

You will find the blood and pain release addictive.

Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily--

They will get deeper.

They will scar.

They will take sometimes months to heal.

And years for the scars to fade.

If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again.

It will spread when you run out of skin.

Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.

Even if you are the most honest person ever to live--

You will find yourself lying to the people you love.

You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.

You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.

Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.

Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100.

Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting--

Cutting and covering up cutting.

And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."

And you freak out because the blood won't stop...

And you are gasping...

And you feel yourself shaking all over.

You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can`t tell anyone.

So you sit there alone...

Praying it will be okay--

Swearing you'll never let it go this far again...

But you will, and further....

Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.

And the better you get at treating your cuts,

The deeper they get.

You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20, 30, or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.

You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order.

Butterfly strips--

3 or 4 different kinds of dressings...

Betadine...

Antibiotic cream...

Medical tape...

Scar reducers...

You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and noone will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.

And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice--

Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies.

Someone who understands--

But of course that never happens.

Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.

Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe--

Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots...

The list goes on and on.

You will start looking at everyone in a different way.

Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI.

Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.

You wont even think about it,

As your eyes scan their wrists arms.

Hoping, just hoping they will be like you.

But they are not.

You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.

You will start doing a lot of things alone.

You will always have to wash your laundry in private so no one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels.

You will always be cleaning up the blood.

Scrubbing your bathroom floor.

Wiping the blood off your keyboard.

You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting.

Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.

When you get really desperate,

Anything will be a cutting tool...

Scissors...a car key...a needle...a paperclip...even a pen.

Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.

Say goodbye to things you took for granted.

Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops.

A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.

Get ready to itch.

Because you will itch and itch.

So much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease.

You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.

You will dream about cutting.

You will dream about being exposed.

It will haunt you day and night and take over your life.

You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting--

At the same time you love it and can not live without.

You just started, so it'll be easier to get out of the habit. Throw away the razors, the knives, the temptations. Get out fast.

I was warned and didn't take the warning.

I am embarrassed by my scars, but I did stop.

4 Years clean of cutting, you can do it too.

Much love, xo

I'm glad I found this, it's very inspirational and I hope it will get the mesage out there!
loveisthemovementxo loveisthemovementxo
18-21, F
5 Responses Sep 18, 2012

ive cut four times already and after reading this im ready to stop, will go to the doctor to get antidepressants

Thank you so much for this, ive been through it all, and it is very comforting to see that you managed to get out alive. Stay sharp, stay strong.

Where did you find this? I think my sister wrote it. I have been thinking about cutting but I don't want to start. I'm starting antidepressants and I want to get better. Everyone out there stay strong :*

Every word of this is true .

Very true, I went through all of it. It's a scary place to be, but there is hope, always! Never give up on trying to get better :)

I am a man. They say cutting is a girls problem. They say boys don't cut themselves. I did. I went through it in my 20's. I am now in my 30's and I am over it. But the thoughts are still there. And the fear of sharp objects and the wanting to do it again always pops up when the **** gets to deep. I can remember punching a mirror. And with glass sticking out of my hand and blood streaming from it grabbing a pen and pad and writing about it. Poetry lines after bloody lines. I wasn't concerned for my safety only the words mattered.
Yeah, I have been their. cutting disorder has no gender... only victims.

Very true, I am proud of you for turning the negative thoughts into something healthy and healing like writing. I did lots of writing during and after my 3 dark years of this. I found that after I had finally stopped, and felt like I wanted to do it again, I would stop those thoughts by writing, It really does help. Keep up the great work, it's not always easy, but looking back and realizing how far you've come since then will stop those bad thoughts every time. Thank you for sharing your storey, keep smiling! :)