The Recent Truth...

hey my names Tyler and ive lived with depression for 9 years of my life yea i prolly dont have the worst life but i dont have the best life either. It started when i was in elementary school and middle school hahaha i remember it like it was last week its crazy the way life moves forward and doesnt stop.but i was bullied all those nine years because im black and my family is white because i was adopted at three and thats all i new at the time was to have the proper grammer. to other kids that isnt how it should be if your colored.
i will admit that i did try 7 different ways the commit suicide and failed because people found me or caught me doing it mind you at the time i was 12 yrs old. now its starting to surface again hitting harder than ever cuz of the stress and all the issues i have at home and im losing ways to cope with the issues and i really wanna go back to the razor and cut till i cant feel the pain. im struggling even as a senoir with three months left of school. my school is starting to get the worst of me out and i dont know to cope anymore it hurts everyday i force to stop cutting to get rid of the pain.
i just wish i had what a lot of other people have and that is a friend that truly cares and wants to help and listen and mainly be there for me when i need them. i have a gf but i feel like everythings drifting away with nothing but a very distant friendship coming closer and closer and she truly is the only thing that keeps me from all these thoughts and make me forget about the issues in my life. i feel like now she doesnt want me in her life like she use to. i do love her more than anything in my life but i dont think she truly knows how much i do i want her to though so she knows the truth. anyone have and tips or comments to help im all ears.
tthope21 tthope21
18-21, M
Jan 18, 2013