I Did It Because It Felt Better...

So, I've been cutting since I was in about 8th grade. It's been something I've wanted to stop for a really long time, but I just don't know how. Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in a box when I'm at school, I see people who look happy and it makes me want to cry. I'm envious, and so I'll go into the bathroom, lock up the stall and just let it all out on my arm. Lately, I've been trying to write instead, but eventually I see something sharp and let it drag down across the now frail, scarred, skin. I remember when it used to just be pale skin... And every time I look at it I cry. But, it seems so much easier than letting go. I don't know how to fix myself, and I know it's me that's the problem. I just want to live without pain, but lately it's so hard to avoid. I'm starting to have violent outbursts of sadness, I cry and cut, and just basically I neve want to leave my house. Meanwhile, just wanting to mumble, "God somebody help me."