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The Day I Turned 11

At the age of 8 years old I knew there was something different about me. I always felt disconnected from everyone and out of place. I never could figure out why I was always so sad and why I felt the need to fake my smiles. Maybe it was because my mom was always using drugs and drinking and when she got mad she would hit really hard. I thought if I acted like she was the greatest person in the world she wouldnt hurt me. That worked for a little while. My dad was always working and my sister thought I was weird, so i was always by myself. Sometime between the age of 9-10 I began making myself throw up after I ate. On my 11th birthday my mom left me at the house all by myself I waited for her to come home and after three hours of wait I went into the bathroom and sliced my wrist with a razor. I cut myself everyday until she came back. After 2 weeks my arms were so red I had to start cutting my legs. My mom left me home alone for an entire month. My dad told me I would be fine. My arms are still cut up so yea I guess I'm fine.
StarvedAndScarred StarvedAndScarred 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 21, 2012

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Sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time, please don't harm your body because its more the psychological effect and it's not good for your body. Many people are experiencing the same thing, try looking on the bright side of things and think about the good that you have? Be strong and hopeful, its very hard to be brave but I hope this helps

I understand but my mom is the opposite she yells and screams at me my dad hits me sometimes after he gets high

You are loved. My daughter is walking in your shoes right now. I dont know what to say or do. She tells me she hates me. I never knew anything could hurt so much in the world as watching someone you love so much destroy themselves. Your mother may be as lost and hurting as you are but doesnt know what to say or do to make it better. When you girls were little a kiss could make it all better, but now .....what to do....what to say. I still dont know what to do, but please believe your mother is feeling really lost herself right now. I am always afraid I will say or do the wrong thing and make her situation worse. I heard my daughter tell someone I didnt care but, in fact I would pull my heart out and give it to her if I thought I would help