I Don't Understand Life ..

You live on the stupid world and as time goes on the ones you love and care about start to die . Then your stuck here to sorrow in their death . Now I don't get it , and whenever I tell my friends what I think , they think I over exaggerate , well sorry for stating my opinion of life as I see it in my eyes . I started cutting 5 months ago , 1 month before I was diagnosed with clinical depression and severe bipolar disorder . I'm depressed everyday of my life due to reasons I cannot explain right now .. but I feel that cutting is my only way out of my depression . I cut myself because I want the outside of my body to look like how I feel inside my body .

Cutting seems almost natural to me . But it keeps getting harder and harder to hide it from my friends and family . Other than cutting , I also suffer with anorexia .. I hate my life .. but most importantly I hate myself . I want to end .. I'm really not sure whats stopping me from doing it . I'm tired of hiding all my feelings behind my smiles .. keeping them bottled up until I get home and release all my feelings by cutting myself . I'm tired of not being able to talk to anyone about my problems because whenever I do they just end up turning on me .. I'm tired of everything on this stupid world . I just hope that maybe one day i'll be able to stop cutting myself .. but the only way that's gonna happen is if I stop being in pain ...
ihatemyselfandmybody19 ihatemyselfandmybody19
13-15, F
May 18, 2012