One Decade Of Cutting Oneself

I have been cutting for 10 long years. The scars that stand, scare me, make me resent living with them. I feel like I should just end it. If I don't find someone to talk to soon, then I am afraid I will cut myself to oblivion. I hate myself most of the time, if I'm not hating on the fact that I'm overweight, its the drug addiction, if its not that then its the alcohol, then the scars from cutting so often and for so long. I am bipolar and have not been on a high for so friggin long! It seems with the medication I just slip deeper and deeper into this depression I have found. Then again the alcohol does not help and the cutting is easy when I am numb. I am 23 years old and I havent stopped cutting since I was 12. I can still tell you detail for detail about the first time I cut myself that lonesome May night in 2003. The scissors were so inviting and I was so depressed. I had my first boyfriend,and tomorrow was the big school field trip to an amusement park. I couldn't decide what to wear and my mother insisted on me going to bed, but I was a mess. She yelled at me and I felt so self conscience about what I looked like, what impressions and messages I was sending. I thought that cutting was the only way to relieve these fears, doubts and insecurities. It helped and I continue to use cutting as an outlet 11 years later. Someday I pray God will take away this obsession to be in pain.
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26-30
1 Response May 18, 2012

what did you made your family did you speak with parents