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Eternal Warfare; Battle Field Of The Mind

I've been trying so hard to stop. I was doing so well. i was so proud of myself... Then just a little slit of skin, with a razor blade, thin, steady, drip,drip,drip, of crimson life slowly being pumped out of me...NO, NO, NO NOO! WHY BRIXXY?! WHY? YOU COULD HAVE MADE IT! no, i could'nt of, you know its
true that's why you did it. JUST SHUT UP. IM IN CHARGE, YOU CANNOT DO THIS; TALK BACK. ha! i own you breanna leigh, you can fool everyone with the make-up, the happy act, or whatever....but you CANNOT. fool me. A.K.A....YOU. your arguing with yourself little girl. can't you see how insane you are? your so d@mn pathetic. you know that? *SIGHS* YES I DO...*SOBS* WHY? WHY AM I THIS WAY? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? *sighs back* you know this answer, yet you ask every day. you we're born, my dearest breanna. you know that. I CAN'T HELP IT. I JUST NEED TO HAVE SOMETHING. ANYTHING TO HOLD ONTO, SOMETHING TO BE MINE. SOMETHING TO MAKE ME SANE AGAIN. ha! sane? when have you ever been? and like what? jade? daddy? mommy? dreams are dreams baby, never reality. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME? TO US? because i can. and its your thoughts, so your talking to yourself. very pathetic. and hey? wrists hurt? that blade was a bit dull, dont you think? STOP IT. MY WRISTS, HIPS, AND BELLY LOOK LIKE FREDDY KRUGER JUST HAD A FIELD DAY. YES, VERY PAINFULL. WHY. *stifles a laugh* because you lose! ever time you cut, your hurting YOU, not anyone thats causing the pain! I KNOW THIS ALREADY. then why do you do it? YOU KNOW WHY. tell me anyway. BECAUSE ITS THE ONLY THING IN MY LIFE I HAVE CONTROL OVER! AND EVEN SO, I HAVE TO HIDE THEM! MY WRISTS WERE ABUSED BY MY SILICONE BRACELETS! IT KEPT ON STICKING TO THE CUTS, IM IN HELL. SOMEONE JUST HELP ME. PLEASE, I JUST NEED SOMETHING; SOMEONE. ha! you have no one, give it up. I WANT TO. I HAVE NOTHING. i know, and its funny to watch you suffer. GO TO #ELL. then technically, your going with me. JUST GO AWAY, PLEASE, I BEG YOU. *whispers fading* never, never fully alone, im here, to bring you down all the way. *LETS THE SOBS RACK MY BODY AS I FALL INTO A FITFUL SLEEP*
(caps my own voice, while low is my conscience, sorry i wasted your time.)
BrixxyBaby101 BrixxyBaby101 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 9, 2013

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have u tried spending more time with others, human or animals? make yourself busy to stop talking to yourself. from my own experiences, it's comforting and it feels good to slip into my own world and argue with myself', the only person that i can speak to. so to avoid this, keep urself busy. let that immature person shout and just ignore it with a smile.

I didn't think anyone would get what I'm trying to say.... I mean, sometimes things flood me so quick that I just end up rambling. and to answer your question, no. I don't spend to much time with people when I'm home. I guess I'm quite annoying, sometimes irrational. and I'm not `cool` enough to hang around my sister. and my few friends at school...don't even really know the purgatory I'm suffering. I will test out your advice, thank you, as well for commenting. it feels good to know that someone cares.