I've Hidden It For To Long

i hid this for two years ..... i am mentally depressed my doctor and some family membors know but no one else does. :/   i cut my self daily.  I am only young and my friends probably wouldn't understand. But i do this because i can actually control this pain and it hurts so much less then the depression it feels real but it hurts to much. I feel alone even when im crowded by people i love. I never believe in myself at all. Im after trying to kill myself but some randon person walked by and stopped me she called the ambulance and i got in **** and didn't get a chance to die. Ihate that !!!! i reallllllllllly hate that. But i got away before the ambulance got there and i got home before anything happened she didnt know who i was or why i was doing it but she had stopped me. I don't think anyone understands how much life hurts me. Sometimes i look at my mom like she is the most horrible person in the world ... But only because she brought me into this hell. But i do love her. My therapist said that i love everyone to much and that i am taking on the pain of others. Well honestly i dont care i need to do that i need to be there !!!!!!!!! i need to help them .... my best friends needs me very much lately and my sisters are always going to need me. But the only way to distract myself from their pain and my own is creating another pain. A controlable pain. One that feels like its blleding everything away. And that helps me more then stupid medication.

scared154 scared154
13-15, F
3 Responses Mar 1, 2010

u should talk to people there is help.

thank you i appreciate it... im getting help now .. and mabey things will get better.. well im hoping ill get better... it would be nice :) ... and ill defiantly add you :)

I know exactly what you mean. I'm right there with you. Though only a couple of my friends know and that's it. But they don't see how bad it really is. They help me, but nothing's enough so I just suffer everyday, If you want you can add me, and talk. I'm always there to talk. :)