The Stress That I Had Always Builted Up !

when i was little my life was perfect i had a nice house,a nice older sister and brother ... then when i was about eight or nine i found out my dad cheated on my mom twice before i was born and got both of the girlz got pregnant. right now im twelve and both of them are about thirteen and im twelve . over the years alot happend like my dad going to bars all the time and never picking up the fone and he would usually come home at eight am the next day so by that tme i was always awake for school . and he never talked to me .. i guess it was because one he was drunk two he didnt want to be seen .. so then my parents started argueing alot constantly evryday there was an explosive arguement . my mom would always end up crying i would cry and there was a time were my mom would always say were getting a divorce . after that i got really depresseedi tried to cut but i couldnt i aleays ended up making scratches on my self. my brother started drinking and doing drugs that gave my mom a harder time ... mt sister was never home so i felt so alone.. my parents didnt end up getting a divorce i was really happy about that but i was still depressed .. thenn i started doibg sports and that helped me alot but the last sport in school just ended and my parents still have problems but they dont arhue in fornt of me tho . but i also never told anyone .. now i started feeling fat use less ugly horrible i hated my boday i always went to school with a fake smile no one noticed but this week just became too stress ful and i couldnt take it anymore so i tried to throw up may times but i could so i gave up then i cutted myself on my leg it is small but anyway i dont jbow what to do im cobfsed and im scared of saying anythibg and i dont want to i also dont want cutting to be a new hobby .. pkzz helpbme !!
dreamingdaily dreamingdaily
16-17, F
2 Responses May 9, 2012

thanks so much i tried to tell my bestfriend but i couldnt :( but im still trying to work on it .

Hi. I'm proud of you for expressing your feelings about yourself and your life. Sometimes that's not easy and you did a really good job with it. <br />
It must be really hard to have so much happening and so much anger around you. Your sister and brother are going a lot too so they aren't there for you which is hard and you feel really all alone. But you're super smart, so when you need someone, you will find someone to talk to and that's amazing. <br />
Your parents are going through hard times too. Just remember that it has NOTHING to do with you, okay. Parents are still people. And you know that people can have problems but that doesn't make them your problems or that you are the cause. Because it's not your fault they have problems. There are lots of poor people in Africa, the people there are hungry because they don't have much food. But that's not your fault right. It's the same thing with your parents. They have problems and fight. That's not your fault. <br />
No you don't want cutting to be a new hobby and it's really great that you feel that way. You should be proud of yourself for knowing that you want to find a better way to deal with things. I promise you, there's a better way to deal with your stress and pain. I promise. Is there an adult that you can talk to? Maybe a teacher at school or a guidance counselor that you trust? Maybe an aunt or uncle that you are close to? You are not alone and you're smart, so you have to find an adult that you trust that you can talk to who will help you. If you don't know anyone, how would you feel about calling the help kids hotline on the phone? <br />
I'm here if you need to talk more or anytime, I just want to make sure that you also get some help in person or on the phone too. You've been through a lot and you deserve to get some help with all this. I'm proud of you for opening up, I hope that you know you're very special and deserve to be happy. But I know you're so smart that you know that :)