Scared

It happened at work. I was having the worst day .. it started out really good and I dont know what happened but everything turned to ****. My girl and I started fighting on top of everything else and I had had enough. Ever get to the point where you cant take anything else and if one more thing happens you will lose it ? Well it happened ... and as stupid as it sounds it was just a simple text message ! It was a nasty text message from my partner and as I read it I smashed the bowl that was in my hand. I have never felt so angry like I was about to explode .. and cleaning up the glass it cut me and I actually felt relieve like some of my emotions had a way to leave me. So I picked up one of the shattered pieces and ran it across my skin. Seeing the blood and feeling the release was something i can not describe but I instantly felt better and now im so scared that I will do it again. Im just hoping that I dont get to that stage where my anger takes over and I do do it again.

Funkalicious Funkalicious
22-25, F
4 Responses Mar 18, 2009

just relax at the sign of things first getting bad. try and recognize your emotions before they get the best of you. dont let yourself result to hurting yourself you dont need that. when i get mad or having a bad day running or working out helps me alot it gets my blood flowing and i can push my frustration and anger out. or like they said before talking to someone always helps me atleast.. and venting is the best or talking and telling people what bothers you just getting your emotions out before they get to bad can hopefully help. you can do it .

WOW<br />
It has been a long time, but I have been there. I never harmed myself, but that was becasue I was scared. <br />
But I know that emotion. You need to clean house and recycle. Keep what you need, and dump what you don't.<br />
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It nearly killed me. I was in the hospital twice with chest pains. Turned out that all the stress and anxiety was inflaming the tissue around my heart, and it was restricting the heart from beating. The result was similar to having a heart attack, except it was all the time.<br />
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To this day I am still weakened from it. Don't go where I have been. Clean and recycle your house. Purge the crap and move on.<br />
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Short of that, good luck to you!

Well it does relieve stress, and it does release endorphins, and that's why people do it. But like any addiction, the good feelings turn to crap really quickly and the consequences start adding up too. <br />
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You aren't addicted now, you were pushed to the edge and did something you normally wouldn't and it's ok...but now you need another plan, something else to do when you get pushed that far. Create something (poetry, painting, songs)...talk with your friends...exercise...take a hot bath...have sex (although since it was a text from your partner that wouldn't work in this case). You will have many times in your life when you'll be pushed like this, and you need to find alternative outlets.<br />
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But it's ok, don't beat yourself up over it, there's no shame in it.

I can understand that you're worried. I think you should tell us (we are here to help), or someone you know, about the things that made you angry. Talk to someone if you have a problem with how they treated you that day. We don't want you to cut yourself again, no way!