this is my story, and how I first started cutting.

(sorry, it's a bit confusing)

*names have been changed.

My best friend in the whole world was *Amy. She knew everything about me and we couldn't be closer. Well, I began crushing on my brothers best friend, *Seth. After talking to Seth and getting to know him a bit better, I found out that he liked me too. However, because of the circumstances, (him being my brothers best friend) we didn't date, because I didn't want to make things weird with my brother. So me and Seth would talk and text pretty much all the time, and became pretty good friends. Obviously, I told Amy about my crush on Seth. Well one night, me and Amy were at a sleepover. I had been texting Seth all day, and by the end of the night, my phone was dying. So I gave Amy Seth's number so we could use her phone and keep talking. Well basically, he would text her phone, she would tell me what the text said, and I would tell her what to reply. Eventually, I fell asleep. And Amy and Seth kept talking. I didn't know about that until a little while later. But anyways, weeks passed and I realized that Amy and Seth were texting more and more. Getting worried, I constantly reminded her that I had a crush on him and would be really upset if she, my best friend would start dating the guy I liked, but couldn't date. So, time and time again, she PROMISED me that she would never do that to me. I believed her. Months passed. I realized things were.. different. Between me and Amy, and me and Seth. So it was about that time that she told me her and Seth were dating. Needless to say, I felt hurt, rejected, betrayed, used and just plain awful. It sounds stupid, but Amy was about the only person I could really trust, and Seth was the only guy who had ever made me feel special and worth something. So to be betrayed by both of them, was a big deal to me.

It was then that I started cutting. I don't know where I got the idea, but I had come home from another miserable day at school. (Miserable because I didn't have many friends, and the few friends I did have, were on Amy's side in the whole situation.) So basically, I was alone. I picked up scissors, and cut the inside of my thigh. It was barely a cut, just a little scratch. But, in a weird way, it made me feel better. It gave me something to focus on, other than the emotional pain that I had built up inside. Since then, me and Amy have gradually began to become friends again. However, her and Seth are still dating, and have been for over a year. I continue to struggle with cutting, although Amy thinks I have stopped.

So that's about it.

I don't know, really.

misscade misscade
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 16, 2010

That sucks, i know what it feels like to be betrayed. My bff back in elm. school, Natalie, she and i were like sisters; she is two years older so we became less and less close. When i was in fifth grade my dad got into a motorcycle accident and i started to get really sick, (I have a really bad digestive like sickness i guess you can call it.) Anyway she knew about everything going on in my life and she didn't even call me to see if i was ok. It tore me apart; i did reconnect with her earlier this year but i never tell her why i never tried to contact her or talk to her at school (Once i was in high school with her.) I just know she won't get it. But i've been self harming for about a year now but i technically started a couple of years ago but didn't know. I have GAD and when i get a panick attack i would rub/scratch my hands and mostly my knuckles until they were raw. But it was a reflex, an impulse i couldn't and can't control. So anyways, i hope everything works out, i'm sure you'll find someone new, if you ever wanna talk just message me, im on here like almost everyday so, yea peace yo