It Started More Than A Year Ago...My Dad run out of the house. He said we were all a mistake, these 30 years of marriage and me and my 5 brothers and sisters were all mistakes, he had wasted his life on us, during this 30 years he tried to leave my mom for other women 4 times, but this time he really did it.
That was a year and a half ago, six months after that my crush told me she liked my friend, and decided she would start going out with him and leave me behind. That night I did it for the first time, i took the kitchen knife and cut it clean. after that I burned myself on the scars.
My mom noticed 2 days after i had done it, and took me to a therapist. It all worked well, I stopped.
Or that's what I told everybody.
Really, I never stopped. I told my therapist I was fine, I told my mum I was fine, I told my friends I was fine. I really was fine!! ...But I just couldn't stop! It wasn't about being sad anymore, it was about feeling the blood, feeling the pain drip, feeling the power. And it's still about that.
I've got a beautiful girlfriend now, I've got amazing friends, a nice (slightly broken) family, BUT I JUST CAN'T STOP. Whenever I feel something hard, I do it. Anything! I just NEED to do it! It makes me feel alive!