I Don't Want To Feel Ashamed Of Them

I can't really say that i hate my scars or the fact that i cut myself so much that it left so many scars because it was what i needed at the time and i stand by that. Yet at the same time i feel shame for having them, at times i want to hide them but that makes me feel like i'm hiding my pain and that i'm in denial. I know what's going on with me and i have come to terms with it, i also know who i am and i don't want people forgetting that when they look at my scars. So today when someone asked me about them i lied, and just seconds later i felt so guilty about lying and trying to hide them. I always feel that the best thing i can do for myself(seeing as i'm the only one who can help myself at this point) is to be honest with myself.
But what i'm saying about it i can't just out right say to someone just how i got those scars, they are not just a result of something bad they are a representation of just how far i'v come from were i was. For all the **** that i'v gone throw the last thing i ever want to feel is shame for going throw what i went throw. I don't want people to only see my scars when they look at me, i want them to see the story behind them and the courage i gain from having them. I am in no way saying that cutting yourself is a good thing but that something good came out of me doing what i did. Just like loosing a loved one can give you a better look on life and get you to be a little more open.
I want to walk around with my scars with pride and not fear that people wont even give me a second look because of them.
amicawinters amicawinters
18-21, F
Nov 27, 2012