.. I Just Never Know Anymore.

I'm 13. I cut, I smoke, I get high. I've probably tried more drugs, that you even know the name of.
I'm depressed, and socially awkward.
I don't have alot of friends, but I have a **** load of enemies.

I'm abused. My best friend, which also known as my sister, died.
She was 11, and she died of cancer. Probably the #1 person, I've ever trusted.
And, a little before she died, my parents got divorced.

I'm called a piece of **** every day.
I've OverDosed twice. I drink.
I'm suicidal. I regret every time I wake up.

I've only been cutting for about.. maybe a year now.
But all these scars, that I see down my wrists,legs,ankles, and hips..
I've been trying to stop my habits, of smoking, and cutting..

But, both of them, are addictions.
It's not something, you can just 123 and then you're healed.
There is always urges to cut, and always scars.

I hate when I see my scars, then it just reminds me,
of hate, regret, alone, and the feeling that comes with it;;; useless.
I'm useless, and an outcast.

No one likes me, and I'm ugly.
These are just some of the things, My Grandma
tells me, each and everyday, constantly.

I've began to believe her. I hate myself,
The world, and Just people.
I'm alone.

I'm stereotyped as, 'emo', by almost everybody,
even if they don't know the half of my life, or even haven't said a word to me.
This world, has became a nightmare to me, something..
i wish i could just escape.

No one cares, I know that.
I've learned to understand that.
I've learned that people are only there to feel sorry for you.

I'm human, I want someone to care,
not to feel sorry for me, and my life. I don't need that.
Basically; I'm saying, I need somebody to love, and to love me.

I don't expect anyone to care on this website,
i'm just venting to myself. About stuff I need to just express.
I bottle my feeling's up. But I need someone to talk to.

That's all I ask.

Is for a friend. Even if it's over some website;
I just need someone that has experienced, the pain,
and has scars. Not just someone I can vent to, and they not understand.

I want someone, anyone, that I can help,
and they can help me.

Just someone that would ..

Understand..
kaylaax kaylaax
18-21, F
Jul 29, 2010