Self Harm-my Cry For Help...

All i wanted is for someone to hold me tight and tell me that everything was going to be ok...
It started off with mild depression, this lasted for around 2-4 months i cant really remember.
There was no specific reason for me to self harm, just all the small things which eventually built up.
So i'm 14 now and i was 14 when it started, arguments with my friends, family...everything.
Then I thought about self harm, I would go home everyday from school, close myself away in my bedroom and cry.
A big reason was boys, the fact that everyone had boyfriends and i didn't, thinking that i must be really ugly.
It started...with scissors I just went across the surface of my arm, showing really faint marks.
I told my friends about it thinking they would understand.
They just said to me how out it was that I made out I self harmed because there were no scars...well there wasn't scars because that was just the start of it.
After one big argument with my friends one day I thought of how much a failure i was with no friends.
The argument had finished, but another occurred but there were two sides to this argument so I wasn't completely alone.
They found me in a toilet cublible cutting.
They all understood then and told me how sorry they were.
I forgive them now, I can see how they didn't understand.
So it's been about a month now without self harm and im feeling bad again.
Not that bad, I can control my depression but deep down there's something telling me i want to self harm, it's a way of dealing with letting out the stress and i spose it is.
My message is to anyone who self harms, do whatever it takes to make your friends understand because trust me they will help ! x x x x
rachael2204 rachael2204
13-15, F
Aug 2, 2010