One False Hope

I cut for 6 months straight. My mom's bipolar, whenever she'd snap and get me mad, I'd stay mad until I could hide in my room and cut. Suddenly I couldn't go out with friends because whenever something went wrong, I'd get the overwhelming urge to cut. Slowly but surely I developed a passion in writing and that helped me cope. I'm proud to say I did not cut for three months.

But then three days ago my brother asked me if I remembered. If I remembered the day 10 years ago when I was 4 that my father ripped my towel off of me and videotaped me naked urging my brothers to keep going. And my memories of my sexually abused childhood came back. And now, I cut myself.
OneFalseHope15 OneFalseHope15
18-21, F
3 Responses Aug 9, 2010

My mum's bipolar is one of the reasons I cut myself aswell.

I'm sorry you went through that, its terrible that your father did that to you. A lot of my cutting would get triggered by my psyco mom screaming at me so I know how that is. Its very hard to stop, I still mess up sometimes. I think its great that you like writing, don't stop. Use it to distract from your urges to cut, thats what I do. Whenever the urge comes I force myself to do something that I like.

Thats horriable to hear that your childhood was so abusive. Try writting again if that was your passion, it will help with the cutting. I also cut when i get depressed. It seems as though the phsical pain is much more bearable then the emontional pain. If you would like to talk email me