Married My Best Friend

I'm 28 and I just started cutting. I've been really stressed and depressed. I dated my husband for 11 years and we have only been marked for a year and it has been terrible. My marriage is falling apart. All of the financial burden has been placed on me. I feel so stupid for thinking that he could change or things could be different. We don't communicate, I don't respect him as a man/ provider because he never keeps a job longer than 6 months. I have 2 degrees and a career. I don't leave him because I still have hope for or relationship. We have a son and he is an excellent father. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. When I have suicidal thoughts, I just think about my son and I cut instead. I feel better when I see the blood and feel the pain. I want to scream but I have to maintain this "happy mommy, friend, wife, etc." role. I don't have an outlet. I don't know what to do.
Angrynmf Angrynmf
26-30, F
May 5, 2012