The First Time.

for the past few months i have been continuously battling my pain.
i thought i won the battle, n was finally getting better.
but the pain hadn't gone anywhere... it was all inside, just piling up all this time.
last night, the dam broke down, n all the pain that was inside came out overflowing..

first i started punching my fists hard into the wall.
i kept going until my knuckles finally started to bleed.
it did help a bit.... it made the anger go away... but the pain was still as it was.
n it was too overwhelming.
i could not keep it any longer. i just wanted to let it all out.

that's when i picked up my razor.
stared at it for a moment... n her words started ringing louder in my head.
i wasnt thinking about cutting, but then, i just took the razor n vigorously started cutting my arm... the same arm where she used to keep her head n cry.
all those moments she hugged me; were flashing infront of my eyes, while i kept cutting myself n tears kept rolling down.

i stopped after sometime.

i never thought i would ever cut myself.
but seeing the blood actually made me feel better.
TheLoneWalker TheLoneWalker
22-25, M
2 Responses May 13, 2012

this is not the way to respond to your pain.. i have been there before and it happened in one phase of my life and that is it.
i hope that that was and will be the only time you ever feel you have to result in letting out your pain in that way. and i hope you are better now, I'm here for you :)

hmmm.............thts bad.....its nt the good way