Can't Escape

I've been cutting for years. It has become my biggest addiction but also my biggest embarassment. My scars disgust me, my hips are lined with hundreds of layered cuts. From thin white lines to those wrinkily pink ones I have them all. My scars form the words that base my self esteem; ****, worthless, ugly, toy& more.
My only close friend stayed the night and I ended up cutting because of event over the previous few days. He caught me at 3 am with blood on my hand, a razor and freshly stained shirt. He was hurt by the fact I didn't go to him. I can't stop. I try and try but I'm so overwhelmed. I have nightmares everytime I try to sleep because of childhood abuse and 4 counts of attempted rape in the previous year, the first time was by a very close friend. I have been stabbed and had pencils shoved where they don't belong. This constantly haunts me but I can't stand to hurt my friend anymore. How do I esape my favorite escape?
MaybeCrazy13 MaybeCrazy13
18-21, F
May 13, 2012