Recovery And Relapse

I cut. I have been doing so for 10 years. I stopped for awhile, almost like 2 years. I just started doing it again. I cut my arm pretty bad yesterday, as well as my leg a few days ago. I have many scars and i'm not ashamed, although I wish I no longer did it. I'm going to continue to try and fully recover from this. It's addicting to me in a way. Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed, and I have to release. I never really learned good coping skills, and I grew up in a somewhat broken family. I have seen my mom try to kill herself, she's currently in prison. I have "tried" to kill myself, many years ago. I realized I don't want to die, I want my life. And I want to stop cutting, and someday I will.
Ashmarie4247 Ashmarie4247
22-25, F
1 Response Jun 4, 2012

Hi. I just had a relapse a couple hours ago. It had been 4 years.. oh my..almost to the day.. since my last cut. I had an awful day and I couldn't handle things and it happened. I used a box cutter on my upper thigh. Years ago, my preference was a pair of scissors. The box cutter was out and in my view. Nearly 50 cuts now. I can't believe it happened again after so long. I will 30 years old this month and should know better. But I think I have felt lately I haven't quite accomplished as much as I would have liked by now. I have a good job but lately things haven't been progressing as I'd like. Today with some changes at hit me. And I lost control.