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It's Been Almost A Year..

It has been about a year since I have cut myself but not a day goes by when i don't think i about it. I'm proud that i was able to stop. But I also miss it. I still feel just as lost, hurt, angry, sad, and whatever. Everyday i fight a battle with myself to not do it. I miss the feeling of letting go that it gave me.

The adrenaline. The power. The relief. I want it back.

I cut for almost 9 years.

I am covered in scars and probably ruined any chance of ever pursuing the career i wanted to pursue. I knew it at the time but somehow it didnt matter. I just needed the feeling.

Like i need it right now...
agentttorange agentttorange 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 12, 2012

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It sounds like you could use some guidance in your life to help you work through your emotions, your self-destructive tendencies, and to get yourself on track. If it would help to talk to someone who has survived, add me and respond.

I have my own self-destructive demons, and use pain as a means of dealing with those demons. My approach involves a variety of implements that don't leave scars, though there are bruises more often than not.

I don't have all the answers, but perhaps we can find some ways for you to come to terms with yourself and grow beyond what you are. I managed to do so, maybe my experiences can give you some ideas with which to work.

It's best to find another outlet.<br />
It's great that you don't cut anymore.

It lets the pain on the inside, out.