The First Time

im sittin in my room feelin so low, so i thought now was the time to explain to everyone includin myself why i do wot i do.

first of all, I CUT!! have done for almost 7 years, and dont see a reason to stop when it helps me.

i cant talk to people about the way that i feel, so problems just build up until i need to release them which is where cutting comes in. i sit on my bed cryin my eyes out an then i go to the draw where i keep the knife. im just one cut away from feelin normal again. thats the thought that runs through my head just before i do it.

ne way im goin on. today i got to the point where i had to drive to bristol to stand on clifton suspension bridge an think about jumping, until the security guard spotted me an kept comin over to "make sure i was ok". if someone says "are you ok?" wots your response, "actually ive had such a **** life that im goin to chuck myself off this bridge" yeh right.

but im still here because they were so concerned an im sure tomorrow i will think thats a good thing.

lilhellbunny lilhellbunny
22-25, F
3 Responses Dec 12, 2006

i know cutting feels good<br />
but i don't thinkwe realize how much it hurts to see people who care about us hurt because they know what we do.<br />
i know cutting scares people shitless (to those who dont cut) its something they can't fathom doing.<br />
just keep trying to control yourself, even if you think it helps its really just keeping your feelings bottled up in you and releasing them in pain, which just returns to your body later. anytime you need to rant vent talkt WHATEVER you know who to talkto

Be strong. Know there are people out there that can relate to what you are going through. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

i started cutting myself a few weeks bk, my friend threatend to ring my mum and tell her but that would only make me worse now im hurt that she was going to do that bhind my back, so i don't speek 2 her anymore. cutting myself makes me feel soo much better and i can't explain why i do it i just do.<br />
<br />
although i haven't been cuttin myself for the same length of time as you, i still feel asthough i can understand what your saying.