I'm So Pathetic

This is never going to stop.
Its getting a little rediculious now.
I cant go a week without hurting myself.
Cutting over half healed scars
then cutting over those half healed scars
and so on.
This has been going on for a few months now.
I know I stopped or atleast slowed way down a few years ago
I wish I could remember what stopped making me wanna hurt myself everyday back then but I can't.
It probably wouldn't work now anyway.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared.
Scared that I'm going to have to fight urges all my life. That the thought will never go away even if I do get strong enough to stop. That if that is what happens I wont be able to keep fighting and I'll be back right where I started again and again.
Why did I even pick up that razor in the first place?
I guess I thought it was a good idea.
Apparently it wasn't.
I cut myself up twice today already.
and ya know what? I want to do it again right now.
Now is about the time where i would burn to make the thoughts go away but I want to cut. I need to cut. I shouldn't. I can't, but I'm probably going to anyway and disappoint a few people once again. 

xkrissex xkrissex
18-21, F
1 Response Nov 28, 2012

stay strong, you're better than this <3


I try. Thanks:)