Getting Deeper

I cut again, I usually keep it under control and only make two new cuts. I have to cut in evens. This time I made 6 new cuts and they bleed more than I ever have... I feel so lost alone.. i feel empty.. Cutting lets me know I'm alive... The more I cut the deeper I go...I need to feel the pain..its more bareable than the pain I feel inside... Lost, alone, and broken... Im just lying on floor unable to move...it takes everything I have to pretend to be happy...My boyfriend thinks I have stoped...The only one who ever understood me is my ex fiance/ best friend....But i haven't been whole or happy since he left me... Now I have no one to run to when I need help...Its sad but I love cutting.. I love the pain...I love watching the blood flow from me... Its relaxing in a way.... Calms me down... maybe I should get help...before it goes to far...but just maybe I want it to go to far..... whats the point? If everything I was holding onto to keep me here is gone and I have nothing? we all die in the end... why not just die now?...
zebragirl4ever zebragirl4ever
18-21, F
Nov 28, 2012