Why Cant I Just Stop??

Today, I cut myself. Again. After I swore to my family and myself that I would not ever do it again. I am probably the youngest person on here. Im 14. Everyone keeps telling me, begging me to stop and it hurts me to see them so hurt by my actions. But the thing is, I CANT stop. I love how it feels to cut. To see the blood. Its like, better than any drug. and addicting as any drug also. I have been to a treatment place for cutting, and when I went i had just started and they wernt that bad but when I got out after 2 weeks i got so mutch worse. My mother is the one who raised me and she has always been a Crystal meth addict and she went to jail about 3 months ago and I had to move in with my grandparents. and every since then ive felt so alone and like I have no one to talk to. I guess thats the only reason I cut. There are so many people that cut for such bad reason and yet i realy dont have one. Except that I like the Ephoric rush it gives me when im down. No one realy knows im still cutting because i hide them. Its like I want to stop but then I dont. I feel like im the only teenager going through this. Thanks for reading.

-Kassi

ifeelsoalone ifeelsoalone
18-21, F
46 Responses May 19, 2007

You are so pretty, I'm so sorry. I cut, and for me once I start, it never stops. I cut my wrist 30-50 times each time. then I wait for them to heal and do it in the same place again. im sooo sorry about your mom. i hope things look up for you! :(

You're not the youngest. I'm 13 and i cut myself. I've been trying to stop but i relapsed again last night.

I’m 15 and I’ve been cutting since I was 11, right after my grandfather touched me. I feel like I should tell you to stop… But I do the same thing, so how can I? I guess all I can say is that you’re not alone.

well im 13 and i cut myself and attempted suicide

i feel the exact same way the other day i was out with like a few friends ,well they pretend to be my friend,anyway,i just stood there beside them and cut myself with a sharp, broken, rusty bar i found and i just cut and cut , because i was bored, because i had nothing else to do . My best friend keeps telling me i need to see someone about this , and that she is going to get me some help. i just do it to entertain myself.i want to stop,but I cant and ..Its somthing i love doing but i need too stop it. how??..and I only start doing this in the last few months I am only turning 14 in september!!

I know exactly what you're going through. I just cut myself about 20 minutes ago. I'm 15 now but i started when i was 14. I don't know why i cut myself. I guess i just got depressed. The doctors, counselors and therapists all say that it's because of all the stressful stuff going on in my life, but that's bullshit. My life's not that bad at all, especially compared to a lot of people in the world. I'm not gonna say that i hate my life because i'm actually pretty lucky. I guess i just got low, cut myself, and then got addicted. I try to use other strategies like the rubber band thing and then alcohol, and now contemplating drugs. If i don't have alcohol it gets too much and i end up cutting myself. I stopped for a while but it's a hard habit to break. Counselling definitely didn't help. It just made me angry and stressed and made me cut more. My scars probably would of been less ugly and i would of cut less and stopped if it wasn't for counselling. But maybe it'll work for you. I don't know.

i know how you feel, i am the same age as you, and sometimes i feel like i'm the only one my age going through something like this to. you have a much better reason for cutting then i do. my family is happy as can be, i have just always felt like an outsider, and the pain helps the pain. it's a much worse reason then yours. i to have sworn to myself that i would stop, but i can't i don't know, it makes me feel so alive to see the blood. it's such an addicting sensation. i just want you to know that you're not alone :)

i am younger .... and i just starte

i started cutting when I was 12 and have been for 5 years but just because in print my and other peoples problems may `seem` worse doesn`t mean that the pain you feel isn`t any less than mine or anyone elses.

I'm 12 but turning 13 in April. I know how you feel. I don't really have a reason to cut myself it just somehow makes me feel better. I went awhile not feeling loved or cared about and when the problems got worse I started cutting. I never imagined I would do this. I never tell anyone about my problems and when I cut myself I feel like I'm releasing my pain. I know my problems and what I'm going through aren't that bad and people are going through way worse.

You are not alone and you're not the youngest, I'm only 13. I feel the same way, I can't stop and I love the way it feels. I haven't told anyone because I know they will stop me, and I don't want to stop, my skin itches for me to cut and I'm never satisfied until I see myself bleed. People around me would never understand why i do it, so i don't tell them, but i've never felt so alone in my life.

I'm 14, and I completely understand what you mean, but my dad said something to me that helped me, and will hopefully help you. "stop cutting just for today. That's it, just today,we will worry about tomorrow when it gets here. Just a couple more hours. And we will go from there, just ONE day at a time." If you can't go one day, go an hour, and tomorrow do two. Even if you give in, you'll see, that you can do it, even if it's just an hour! Stay strong, alright? And I'm proud of you, for admitting there is a problem, that's the first step! Good luck with everything

I know how you feel, it hurts to see ur family and friends beg you and beg you to stop even though you can't

Uh hello i know exactly what u r talkin about...Dont worry when the time is right it will all come to an end. I'm thirteen and have been cutting for two years it has been decreasing lately though because i have help... try your best...look yourself in the eye and say i am not gonna do it...at first it will be EXTREMELY hard....try and use something, anything to remind you not to do it.Hope you get better <3

im also 14. i have been cutting for a year now. i know how you feel, i love cutting because it makes me feel like i can be in control. but a few hours later when i see the scars i feel ashamed and even embarassed. it feels awesome but i know i must stop. if you can find one person to talk to, its a million times better. i used to cut about 3 or 4 times a day, then i told my best friend that i cut and she admitted that she did too, now i only cut once or twice a day:) when im trying to give up i keep a sewing needle with me so when i feel the urge to cut i ***** myself with it. it doesnt scar and it sometimes works. also when i am really angry or upset i write down how i feel and a lot of the time the urge goes away by the time im finished. hope fully i have helped you a bit.

Im 14 also. I've never been to a treatment center tho I've been cutting since 11 ill be 15 in 2months. Stopping is one of the hardest things. Its an addiction I agree I don't know how often you cut but last summer I stopped by taking it one day at a time. Don't think about how good it feels. Imagine your best friend sitting right next to you as you cut. It helps. <br />
( well its helped others but not me cos now I cut everyday but that's just me)

You are far from the only teenage girl going through this. Although I have some reason to do it, I agree. its addicting, and I love the feeling. I dont necessarily support you to continue doing it. But I do understand your point of view. I can only stop for around a month, then I do it again, cause I miss the euphoric feeling.<br />
another way people do get past cutting and still get the feeling is smoking pot. It helps. and you dont get all the scars or people thinking you're trying to kill yourself.

i understand what your going through i just started cutting myself because i don't have a lot of friends and sometimes life can be really mean, and it feels like a drug like i do it almost every day and i don't know how to stop i haven't told anybody and i don't want to but i'm only 13 so it's like i don't know how they would handle it....

Dont feel like your alone theres so many out there dealing with these issues I started at 9 yrs old and now im 14 but theres still hope

ur not alone anymore....all these people r here for u now...no ones ever really alone...i made friends with even being near people...u may think im crazy but i even talk with trees when i need to talk...kinda silly isnt it...

am 13 Teen and i'v had to go to the ER And i Got KIt out of my houes when i was 10 so yea i do know what your going thour

I'm so sorry, and you're not that much younger than me, I'm only 15.<br />
I cut too, and I always wonder if those treatment facilities help at all.<br />
I feel like so many people have gone, and I must be lucky that I haven't<br />
gone & I've been cutting for four years. Good luck! I'm so sorry you're <br />
going through this but if you ever need to talk just message me!<br />
-victoria.

You're not the youngest, I'm 13. Little huh? Remember, you CAN do it! You can stop! I haven't, but just know that a little girl in Colorado is behind you 100%.

Iv'e been cutting sense I was 13, and im just barely 14, so your not alone. I promised my my best freind that I would not do it. Im addicted, and it feels great, I feel your pain, dont worry,

Hey Kassi. I know exactly how your feeling. I'm 13, turn 14 in December, and I cut too. I don't wanna go into my story right now but I just want to say that your not alone, and if you by some chance read this, good luck.<br />
<br />
-Parker

I know what you mean. I've been cutting for a long time, but no one knows except my sister. Cutting, made me feel in control. It was the only thing I really could control. The pain, is an electric feeling. I cut so deep once that I ended up passing out from blood loss. I knew I needed to stop. My sister said If I did it again, she was telling my parents. I ahve tried not to, but it's so hard. I know I have to deal with it. So, whenever I want to cut, I pop the rubber band on my arm until I can't feel anymore. It had helped some. I just know I need to stop, for the sake of myself, and my friends. I'm afraid if I don't. I'll end up killing myself. Im here for you though, I feel like we have alot in common. You can always talk to me.

I Know How It Feels, You Are Not The Youngest Here, I Am 12.. I Cut, It Hurts To See People Hurt Because Of Ourself, I Know What You Mean, Im Prayin For You.. I am Going Though Worse, So Just Keep In Mind, You Dont Have It That Bad..

I understand what you're going through... you feel so alone and you feel like no one can understand you... even when your friends tell you that you can tell them anything, you feel like you have to hide it from the whole world, or you just dont want to stop doing it. My parents still don't know I cut, and I've been doing it for about a year. I am 15 years old, and it seems as if everything in my life is just plain screwed up... I just joined this site, and I still feel like I have to hide all the problems in my life... I betrayed my best friend... she made me swear that I wouldnt do it again, and I did... I told her that I stopped.... and everyone thinks that I did, but I didnt... I get like this euphoria when doing it, and I dont do it just for fun, I do it whenever I feel pain... cutting is "the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside". It is like a drug, and its so addicting; whenever you feel pain you have to cut, or it will drive you crazy... cutting is the only way to kill the pain. I know cutting is bad, and it is a harm to my health, but there's a part of me that loves every aspect of it and doesn't care about what the hell I do to myself... just know that you are NOT alone when dealing with this... that's why I joined this site about 5 minutes ago. I want to know that there are other people out there, so hopefully, people can share experience and advice. Im so sorry about your mother, and I only give my best wishes to you and your family. Remember, you are not alone.

youre not alone. im 14 too and i cut myself. i don't cut my wrists because im afraid ill kill myself by accident. so i just go everywhere else. i know the addiction. it makes everything better.. as if you've fixed something. i promised my best friend iwould never do tht again.. and today i did. everyone tells me to stop but i can't.. it brings me away from the depression and anguish. either im really happy or suicidally depressed.. my parents are divorced. my mom is in a horrible relationship with someone i hate and my dad hits me sometimes. i sympathize to you and your situation. today i cut because one of my best friends asked me what i use when i cut, bcuz she wanted to.. of course i lied to myself and said it was for her, but the reality is i just craved the guilty please of digging into myself and watching the blood seep out. i've been hiding mine, too. sometimesillfind myself wearing a black jacket in 90 degree weather. kassi your not alone. and if you ever need a pal to talk to im here.

dont feel bad your not the only one im 13 and i cut almost every day it really is addictive but i cant stop but no one knows i cut so i like to kind of open up here but i'd love to stop i just love the feeling of all the stress leaving my body with the blood that leaves my body aswell

i cut as well. i started 3 years ago after my dad died... i dont like the pain it hurts... sometimes i faint.. i just cant help myself from doing it though... i especially do it once i am drunk it gives me more guts to cut more... i hate it when people tel u to stop its not that easy...

I know how you feel. I'm the same age and i cut for really no reason. I just like the way it feels too, i also like the way it looks. And i agree, it is addicting. No one knows i do this (except whoever reads this comment i guess) and i'm afraid if no one close to me finds out and tries to stop me, i won't ever stop on my own. My heart goes out to you, i know what it's like.

i feel the sameeeeeee exactt way, im 14 now but was 13 when i started

Not really, i cut myself too and i really cant stop. Im 16 and i started when i was 10. Anyway i keep trying to stop, but the knive always win and im not sure im that sad about it, the only reason id like to stop are the people that get worried about me and beg me to stop.

I don't want to pretend to know what anyone feels, or is going through, as everyone's experiences are unique. I have only recently started cutting. I can say now that I don't enjoy the pain of it, but I enjoy watching MY blood run down my arm. The first time I actually cut deep, it was like watching the sands in the hour glass. Corny metaphor I know, but I seemed so clear. Every drop was a grain of sand in the hour glass of my life. Realizing that I had control over my life in such a way was exhilarating and still is. I started at first out of a failed suicide attempt, but after the feeling for me was better than any drug I've tried. Pity the feeling is so short lived. I guess that's why I continue. As corny as it sounds I feel as if I finally understand the "EMO" phrase "I cut myself to feel alive".

I don't want to pretend to know what anyone feels, or is going through, as everyone's experiences are unique. I have only recently started cutting. I can say now that I don't enjoy the pain of it, but I enjoy watching MY blood run down my arm. The first time I actually cut deep, it was like watching the sands in the hour glass. Corny metaphor I know, but I seemed so clear. Every drop was a grain of sand in the hour glass of my life. Realizing that I had control over my life in such a way was exhilarating and still is. I started at first out of a failed suicide attempt, but after the feeling for me was better than any drug I've tried. Pity the feeling is so short lived. I guess that's why I continue. As corny as it sounds I feel as if I finally understand the "EMO" phrase "I cut myself to feel alive".

im 14 also and i know how hard it is..i went through 3 years of it and i finally gave up on life. lying on the floor bleeding out i realized that there were other ways and i was afraid it was too late. luckily for me i didnt die. i passed out and my mother found me, took me to a hospital and i've gone through some pain staking therapy. i've learned life is not so bad and that you just need to love it. when things get hard im not gonna lie, the very first thing i think about is cutting myself even though i also made a promise to myself and everyone to stop (i broke it 3 times before i had my little epiphany) just be strong and look for something to hold onto, something or someone that you can put all your weight on instead of the sharp ob<x>ject piercing your flesh.

its ok yer not the only teen going thru it and i knwon yew feel that way.. im 13.. and i knwo its an addiction, i can't tlka to my friend bc her parents found out and now she is in therapy and i was so upset that i now my leg, is a scratched up bloody mess but we can get thru it, i just hope things will get better

I'm always reluctant to reach out to someone online because it sounds kind of creepy and low, but I'm learning that it's just another way of connecting to people. I personally do not cut, but many people in my life do. So if you ever want to talk to someone who can't go and tell everyone at school, or at home and get you shipped off to some clinic; then I'm here.

hi hun i knw how you feel nd wot ur going thru. i have been cutting for 3 yrs nd im addicted to it as the pain makes me feel in control.its like the only thing i can control in my life.i also do it as its a coping strategy for my depression nd BPD nd PTSD.<br />
one thing i have learnt is you have to have the will power to stop.you have to want to stop for yourself not because others want you to stop.i tried stopping for my loved ones but in vain.i have *** to accept that im not ready to do so.<br />
hope this helps nd if you wanna tlk im here sweetheart xoxoxo

i know exactly what youre talking about.<br />
i felt the same exact way when i used to cut myself.i didnt have a reason, but i just loved it, loved the rush, loved seeing my own blood.<br />
but my friends almost killed me when they found out,<br />
their the ones who told me to stop.

You know what I think would help out a lot of people suffering from depression, OCD, secret cutting, etc...? Hard physical labor. Seriously, go join the Peace Corps, or Americorps, or volunteer with Habitat or something. Get the **** out of your comfy house and your life and your over-abundance of free time. Give your time and energy to help people with more immediate problems... meet some cool people... live like a bum for a year. It'll humble you, and reprogram your perspectives. If your brain is malfunctioning, hit the reset switch. And yes, I may be a jerk, but I *have* known my share of people who suffer from depression, OCD, BPD, etc. I arrived at my harsh perspective though experience, not ignorance.

well ive just gotten this recently but i started cutting when i was 11 years old. I totally know where your coming from with this whole thing. i had an extremely damaging childhood and i resent my parents and somehow i managed to hide the scars for 3 years and then my mom found out and went insane. the situation escaladed and ive gotten really bad. It is hard to stop cutting. My friends and some of my family really want me to stop and even though i dont want to at the same time i do. I get so much relief.But ive gotten to the point where one or two cuts isnt enough. i layed in bed the other night and i literally had a sleeve of deep cuts. It hurt so bad i had to lay my arm flat on a pillow and i couldnt move it. sometimes i feel like just because of my childhood it doesnt give me reason to do this. But do you need a reason if you just dont feel right. i have bi polar disorder and obsessive compulsive and it def helps. but yeah there are people who have it worse but you cant base that on your own pain. some people deal with things better than others and thats ok. i dont know you but because of my bad encounters with cutting i really do that one day you stop cutting. your definately not alone. and if you really need to talk im here for you.

hey, i just read your story, ive bin cutting for 8 years an have managed to stop unless something major happens in my life. wot i wanted to say to u is dont rush to stop cutting, i no its a bad thing but u need to b ready cos its ur only way of dealing with issues but wen u do want to stop try keepin an elastic band on ur wrist an wen the urge first starts ping the band against ur skin over an over again til ur arm goes numb. that helped me a lot. hope ur ok.

hey im only 16 and i been cutting for 3years.. well i dont really do it as much the last time was in december!<br />
i can totally relate on how you feel! i cant tell you how to stop honestly no one can.. its just having self control and one day going to realize that its just not the answer but every now and then i want to so bad and sometimes i do, but you just have to stop sometimes! i have these really ugly scars.. but i just think of them as little notes to remind me how cruel to be...honestly i think you should take your time, because it is an addiction! dont rush anything until you really dont want to cut anymore! because as long as you still want to you will its your only way of coping with pain! find another way!<br />
and im so sorry about your mom, you should just write me i thinkw e will have alot in common! & support for one another send me a message

i know what your going through most the time i odn't know why i do it noone really knows because i hide it and i retreat if one of my friends is close to finding out making things even worse, i don't know if this helps but at least you know your not the only one