Life…

You may want to read my other story first.
You know how everyday you have to put on that fake smile and pretend you're happy to keep everyone else's life perfect. Well that seems to be all there is to life now, just waking up and feigning happiness.
I finally became weak enough to succumb to alcohol and drugs to cope with my depression alongside my cutting. They just give me that dull feeling, numbing my senses and letting me forget. But it's only temporary, no matter how fast you run, no matter how far you run you can never escape the past. It's always laying there waiting to come forth at the worst of times, when you're on the brink of death just ready to end it all… it's like I'm trapped on an endless wasteland full of anger, sadness and painful memories. There's only one way out. DEATH
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26-30
1 Response Jan 10, 2013

Yea, I'm good at pretending with a smile and all. That way people don't have to pretend that they care, when really it makes them so uncomfortable, they don't want your feelings or problems to mess up their happy little world. Some ppl know I'm depressed, but no one knows that I cut, though.
I know what you mean about alcohol & drugs. They help, too. ANd no, you're right, you can never totally escape the past. BUT you can escape it enough to go on living. Even it is a semi-miserable existence. Some other things that can get my mind off of it are music, books, TV sometimes, and driving very fast. Maybe different things would work for you.
I know my life has been pretty lousy for these last couple of months, but between being able to get my pain out cutting, and getting a little drunk & stoned at night, I can make it.
Things probably won't change much for me as old as I am, but you are so young that you don't yet know what the next month or year may hold for you. You could end up being happier than you could ever imagine.
And believe me, I don't try to push my religious beliefs on anyone, but if you are a Christian, think about causing your own death from a Christian outlook before you do anything you can't take back. (if you're not a Christian just disreguard that)
And besides, now you've got me to talk to, and i would be very dissapointed if you weren't here. You can message me anytime, or chat or whatever.
I haven't done it yet, but I am going to be writing my story this week and try and get it posted. I'm just so depressed most of the time I haven't gotten it done yet.