I Can't Control Myself Anymore. I'm Going Back To Cutting.

Hi
I'm a newbie here at experience project and reason I signed up after reading everyones posts. I used to cut a lot. Way to the point that I have passed out bleeding, waking up because of bleeding. I know a bunch of you guys here have probably experienced that but the reason that brought me here is because I found a way to stop and so I've stopped for at least a year and a half or so or maybe more. I never really started counting for how long but with the feeling of avoiding to cut, subconsciously i feel like I have no blade near me other than the pocket knife I use for work on purpose.

Lately just before Christmas of 2012, I can't just hold it anymore. Whatevers inside of me that wants to just go back to cutting is there. and so I did. I was desperate, just like before. I quickly grasped for a blade. I grabbed my only blade, my pocket knife and started to shred my forearm, it was no good. Oddly the blade wasn't sharp enough. Desperate, I broke my razor and used it.

I did it. I've been doing it. Its back.

I'm not really sure how to feel. I'm not into cutting as much as before but I know that its easy for me to do it again.

In my head I'm bothered and is in need to talk to some people. Reminds me in the old days where I have a blog of everything and I just type whatever **** I feel. That was gone, and I'm resulting to this site. I guess at least for now.

adans17 adans17
22-25, M
Jan 21, 2013