I Cant Wear Short Sleeves To Work

i have so many scars i had to stop cutting. Im ashamed of my arms. i catch people staring at my arms when i wear short sleeves. When my mother found out i cut she slapped me. When i would get upset with my sister and go in my room she would shout through the door, why dont u go cry and cut urself or kill urself. If i would get stressed i would just cut and it would feel so much better. I loved to see the blood the more blood the better. Then i turned to alcohol cuz i had too many scars and was old enough to drink, now i have a child so i control all of it. No more cuttin no more drinking. Its hard cuz i hate myself im so ******* ugly and when i feel this way there is nothing i can do to make myself feel better. I jus carry on.