I Just Cut Myself

I was afraid.  I've never felt anything like this.  At most, any depressed feelings I have dissipate within a weeks time.  But this time, it seems different.  It's been more than a month, and I don't even understand why I'm so down about things.  I've been having graphic dreams of violence, sex, whatever.  And I've recently had thoughts of knives.  Cutting.

And so I did it.  And I cried, alot.  But, it felt really good.  A slight sting, but after that, a euphoria.  It's been two days and I have at least 20 different incisions on my right arm now.  And every time I cry.  I'm not this type of person.  And I'm embarrassed to talk to my family.  My friends try to help, but I feel it is futile.

There's a part of me that doesn't want help.  There's a part of me that wants to be down.  I hate me.  I feel ugly.  I want to be beautiful.  And I want to cut my face.  I almost did it.

Erium Erium
22-25, M
1 Response Feb 16, 2010

this is a really pointless and glib thing to say but, please don't cut your face.