Still Cutting

well i have been a cutter on and off since high school......i think of it as a way to cope just to cover up the fact that it isn't......i guess i never learned how to cope with life's general stresses........i have quit before and i had been "clean" for a good 3 months or so but i slipped again about a month a go and have cut probably 23 out of the last 30 days.......i mean i do have good days but the bad usually outweighs the good......i try to listen to music it helps somewhat but it is always on my mind........i do it for a few reasons......it makes me feel better at the moment, i hurts so i feel alive for alittle while i guess kind of human if i had to label it, and i like to bleed.....i like the sight of my own blood.......how ****** up am i?......i mean really it makes me sick to actually say (or type)........i am not ashamed of it though i guess it is just a part of me.....
dragel dragel
22-25, M
2 Responses Apr 2, 2007

i know you feeel ****** up<br />
but people who cut its just a way to release pain or anger<br />
i should know.<br />
it gives you an adreneline rush and makes you feel alive which you don't always feel...<br />
my problem is taht i cut a fair amount but not to die just to get a rush and i know that scares people <br />
i make up excuses so people don't think im weird- sound familiar at all?<br />
<br />
just know we all love you here and it hurts us to see genuine people like you hurt themselves hopefully we can get through this ****** time period together.

Go play hockey or some other sport. That way the pain will seem a little more normal to you. This site will help you cope with stress if you want: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_management_relief_coping.htm