Blinded By Love

I finally joined Match.com, against my better judgment. At that time, I had just turned 23 and was ready to try anything. I wanted to meet a nice man - someone I loved being with and who loved me back.

I was ready to get married, “settle-down” and have children. I wasn’t ready for this at 20, but I was now.

A month later, I met a nice, handsome 30-year old man, originally from Greece (or, so I thought). He was on the “same page” in life I was; he wanted to settle down and be a father. He had a sexy foreign accent; believe it or not he loved cooking (good match for a woman who can cook but did not really enjoyed cooking), and he was single! Or so I thought.

I wish, I remembered Murphy’s Law; or had read Online Dating Tips or “Red Flags” information before. Because, Murphy’s Law and the “Tips” article both say: “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is...” I was about to find about how very true that is....

I was smart enough to know that handsome, sexy, 30-year old Greeks with sexy-accents and a love for cooking don’t exactly grow on trees. A man like this gets scooped-up before he’s 25, no matter what country he’s from. So, when he asked me to marry him. I said without any hesitation or loss of time: “YES!”

I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to (pardon the phrase) “land” such an amazing man!

In November he took me to New York City for my birthday; we took a train from Providence. Rhode Island, and spent 2-nights in a Park Avenue hotel. He took me to Tavern on the Green for a birthday dinner and had an engraved cake brought out to me for desert. He seemed loaded and spent / charged a fortune that weekend but, I loved it, and almost cried with emotions when I said to him: “it was the nicest thing anyone has ever done” for me.

By then, I guess he knew that I have had a horrible life of abuse and neglect, from childhood to adulthood. I told him people would tell me, I was “ugly”. (He did not take me seriously and I guess he figured they were jealous because he thought I was beautiful). He told me, my story reminded him of stories from his childhood, which had lasting impact on him. In his neighbourhood, a mother allowed the step-brother to sexually abuse her step daughter, etc. I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard these countless stories. Well, no matter. He seemed quite well adjusted now and I saw no lasting impact on him. I loved him very much and I was DETERMINED, as his future wife, to be the first to treat him with the kindness, love, romance and consideration that he so deserved, but never received.

He was the only person in my tragic life to be supportive and treat me like an equal. Which, by the way, I loved and he made me “feel special” and “better with him than anyone ever has.”

On my birthday night in return to the birthday dinner, all the love and affection I offered him sex. In my mind I justified sex before marriage as he had already proposed and I was in love. The sex was steamy and beautiful. He handled me with a lot of care, like a delicate flower and as the night went on, he was more and more aggressive and tried all positions with me. I was fully cooperative as I felt obligated to him for all his kindness and the money he spent on my birthday. This was the least I could do for him in return. He went on till early hours of morning, till we were both exhausted and slept in each others arms, like a couple truly in love.

Things were great between us, until mid-January when he announced he had stomach and liver cancer. I was devastated. I found this handsome man from no where and now this awful news? Why him? Why me?

He said he was going to spend the summer in Texas, staying with a friend and for receiving his chemotherapy treatments three times a week. (After his initial operation Memorial Day weekend).

I wanted to be at his side to help him and take care of him. He DID NOT want me to go to Texas with him. Nor did he want me visiting, because he’d be weak, frail and didn’t want me to see him in this condition. I protested, of course; I loved him and wanted to be there for him during his time of need. But, he asked me to respect his wish; this was a “Greek-thing” his culture and the people from Greece are very tough, and he was afraid of my reaction if I saw him. He was petrified of me rejecting him, if I did. He wanted to confront this thing himself, beat it and then start-fresh.

What could I do? I knew he was “quirky” he had used that word to describe himself too. Maybe I didn’t understand it, but if he didn’t want me to go with him; if he didn’t want me to visit over the summer.....if all I could do was respect his “stay-away” and remain supportive of him, until his battle was won then that’s WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO!

He forced me to go back home and he even told me to date other men if I wanted to, while he was away that summer. I was angry that he even offered this, but by then, I understood his “devalued” existence growing up. Being the loyal, committed, loving woman I was, there was NO WAY I would consider such a thing! Nor, did I want to be with anyone else. For the first time, the idea of being with the same man (sexually or otherwise) was inviting. He was great. He was gorgeous and handsome! And, he was going to fight for his life this summer. What kind of a woman would I be if I was dating other men back home, while the man I loved and planned to marry was in Texas, fighting for his life?

This was a golden-opportunity to show him, by example, that not everyone in his life would let him down. There would be some people he encountered, he can depend on. I was one of them...and proud to be the first.

So, I stayed with him as long as he would permit and we went together to Cape Cod one weekend. We spent time together and went to Martha’s Vineyard too and I felt obligated to offer my body to him for sex; anything to take his mind off the battle ahead. I showered him with as much love, affection, sex and “supportive” gifts the night before my flight back home and his flight to Texas.

That summer I lost 10-pounds. My heart and mind was some where else. I was worried sick about this man; his health, his life. He became distant, even insulting to me once or twice on the phone. But, I knew it was because of what he was going through, so I never reacted. I was going to be waiting for him when he returned.

Long story, longer: he “recovered” and returned home, but remained distant, even odd after returning. Finally, one day, I had enough and decided to run an online background-check on him, (one of Match.com’s “Red Flag Tips suggestions) to try and find out why he was acting so odd and mysterious.

If you guessed by now, I wish I knew you last year: He was already married; and had been for nearly 10-years! That’s not the worst of it: he was not only married but had a criminal record; a member of an organized network. My luck had just changed.....

I was NOT supposed to know he was married on account of connecting his horror-stories of abuse and other “clues” observed and discussed over the year.

The relationship that just keeps on giving!

He was under enormous pressure to stay-away and NOT reveal anything further (the 1st-rule for organized crime).

He did feel very guilty for everything, as he should. For example:

1.) He’s not Greek. He’s American and grew up in Houston, Texas. Thus, every word out of his mouth was spoken with a fake accent; very word layered in lies.
2.) He NEVER had cancer and was not in treatment that summer; he needed to get-away for a few months (for reasons, I won’t discuss).

Sure, why be honest now and end a “relationship” like an adult, especially when an innocent life was at risk, like mine? Faking cancer: there’s an option I would never considered.

So, because I was the only one in his life to treat him with respect (including the police who were out there to get him), the 12-months of equality, loyalty, love, affection, sex and respect from me was not enough to undo 30-years of prior abandonment, deception, betrayal, and cruelty. If there was a glass-slipper in this Cinderella-story, it was shattered...

What I’m guilty of: 1) Being naïve; taking someone at his word and not questioning it; 2) Being loyal, offering love, affection, my body for sex and being respectful and trusting of a person who, didn’t know what these concepts were, hence never reinforced in him. Hindsight is painful.
FunLovingLonlyWife FunLovingLonlyWife
36-40, F
1 Response Jul 12, 2010

I guess this applies to everything... not just online relationships. People just fake for stupid reasons when they don't even have to. And that leads to bad things.