Psychopath Seduction...

I was in my usual coffee shop, reading and people watching, two of my favourite occupations. A guy came and sat next to me after I pulled my chair out of his way while he was waiting for someone else to move. He smiled as a thank you and then started a conversation about how beautiful the buildings were around the coffee shop. He was dressed like a surveyor when he came in, so I thought nothing of it and replied that yes, they were lovely. He then asked me if this were my home town and we had a me too conversation, soon finding a lot in common. I've always been a pretty open, easygoing person so it wasn't until we were over an hour into the conversation that I realised that he was trying to pick me up. Okay, its not so unusual as a lone female to be on the receiving end in coffee shops and bars of male attention, but this was highly unusual. I am actually a qualified psychotherapist so I know quite a bit about human behaviour and this guy was strange - if you knew what you were looking for that is!
He was attractive, no doubt, and he knew it - the careful way that he was dressed, the way that he had shaved - one of those high maintenance, close cropped, shaped beards - told me that he was well aware of his appearance, and that it mattered a great deal to him. However this was at odds to what he was saying during the 'me too' conversation. You see I am an environmental activist and socialist and there are much more important things to me than appearance. He shared that he was not in least interested in superifical stuff and would rather spend time on more important things - hey, me too! Throughout the conversation he gazed at me with apparently deep and sincere interest - he had lovely blue eyes to do it with too. He also used a warm, deep confiding tone and gently teased me in a way that made my stomach turn over. It was as if he was one of my closest friends and things got intimate very quickly - I shared health concerns that I had, some difficult relationship experiences. The kind of stuff that you don't talk about unless you know a person very well and trust them.
I had to go as I had a client to see and he walked me to the door and took my hand saying that he hoped to see me again very soon and that this was his usual coffee shop. Funny as I use that shop a lot and had never seen him before. For a while I couldn't stop thinking about him - I felt love bombed; it was when that phrase jumped into my head that the connections were made and I realised that I had been on the end of full on psychopathic seduction:
Focusing the conversation on me - check
Many, many things in common - check
Unwavering gaze - check
What he said and what he did not matching up - check
Overwhelming with compliments - check
Told me how he chose me and how clever he was? - check
Inappropriate intimacy - check
Thank God that I have the experience and knowledge to identify what was happening - otherwise I could have been there same time, same place and I wouldn't know what had hit me.
Was it my fault that I let him in as far as I did? Maybe, but I was vulnerable, lonely and sad and at the time, my psychotherapy supervisor was on vacation. Do I know better now? You betcha.
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 21, 2013

You "let him go far" you said. But this experience with him is limited to a first impression meeting at a coffee shop, correct? You did not date him, and really felt few repercussions of being in an intimate relationship with a psychopath...

Either way, congrats on being well informed of psychopathic tendencies/behavior so as to prevent them from getting closer and eventually being subject to abuse.

I think love bombing is such an effective tactic that it is no wonder so many women will fall for these psychopaths. The "love" can be blinding and disconcerting.