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I Dated A Sociopath

I dated a sociopath. He cheated after 3 years. Now I'm in therapy. More later, I'm just digesting this information at the moment. We planned a future together- I meant it and believed in it; he did not mean it nor believe in it. He fits the sociopath description to a T. All the memories are flooding back and falling into place under each trait of a sociopath. Was anyone else shocked when they figured out who they were dating?
nbryan1031 nbryan1031 22-25 7 Responses Apr 5, 2011

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Absolutely understand where you are coming from. Mine kept coming back to me over many years, telling me he had always loved me. I fell for the charm after initially not being interested this last time. He quickly talked about moving in with me and buying a big house. He wove a story of a future and I could picture it and wanted it. He was very needy, wanting constant text contact and reassurance, never wanting to spend a night alone. Then began the devaluation, he actually said he wanted to knock me off my pedestal and I was a problem in his life. He said he wasn't who I thought he was. I thought he was mad, I thought I was going mad!! Thankfully I found this site and I recognise all the signs. His daughter is a s/path too. He finally discarded me as if I was trash then replaced me immediately with a new victim whom he persuaded to change her hair colour and clothes style instantly and the control no doubt goes on. He cheats and lies constantly. He discarded me when I caught him cheating. He cheated on his wife and ex girlfriends repeatedly I now know. He knew I was on to him and he couldn't control me. He said there is something special between us that will always be there but that was before I realised what he had become, or perhaps he always was and I couldn't see it before. Control and abuse is all he knows however in his mind, everyone abuses him and he is the victim. Sob story after sob story. He uses his children like pawns in a game, dragging them around meeting umpteen women. Karma will no doubt catch up with him in the end. Once I got out people came forward to tell me how hated he is at work, with former friends, etc. He has no friends of any worth as he hangs around with people that he sees as "lower" than himself to make himself feel better. He said I made him feel bad about himself (not intentionally, I showed him nothing but kindness). I can now see what he meant was that he felt I was above him but he would turn it around and say that I felt superior. I am just not that kind of person. He would twist things around until I was in total confusion. Beware anyone who is preyed on by someone who is all charm at the beginning and then there is just something that you can't put your finger on but doesn't feel right. I should have followed my gut instinct and run for the hills!!!

And yes, we were engaged and I believed I was going to spend the rest of my life with my soulmate. He never meant a word of the life I "thought" I was living. It was all an illusion.

Thank God for the readily available information on sociopaths. Hopefully the book I ordered, "Women Who Love Sociopaths" is there when I get home. IT IS NOT OUR FAULT! They are master manipulators. They put us in some sort of trance like a freakin vampire. They take away our very right to make decisions ba<x>sed on reality, because they take reality away from us. His ultimate goal was to destroy me. But guess what, he didn't. He nearly did. My heart and mind felt shattered. But he did not win his ultimate desire. Don't let the sociopath win. I am healing and I am arming myself with facts and knowledge, so that I do not ever fall prey to these predators again.

I was somewhat shocked at the diagnosis even though I knew early on that he was "off." I am bothered by not only the way you mistreated me but how his family looked at me in my eyes when they knew about the other women. Seriously??

I am still in shock about my ex-boyfriend too and he fits all of the criteria (in hindsight) for a sociopath. It's so hard to digest. It makes me so sick and I can't get it out of my head. I keep playing our relationship over and over in my mind, thinking how wonderful things were and asking myself if there were any warning signs. It kills me that he's so cold to me now and that I can't seem to let him go, even though he IS a sociopath. WTF is wrong with me?!?

I thought I was joking about him being a sociopath, so I decided to look it up. I nearly fell off my seat when I saw that every single thing was a 'yes' for my ex. I feel like the biggest fool in the world! I am disgusted and can't believe I allowed myself to fall for it! Thank goodness for sights like lovefraud and this one to help me realize it isn't just me being stupid!

Yes! I understand where you are coming from. I just broke up with my ex and he was the same way. We even looked at engangment rings a week before I found him in bed with a naken woman. He blamed it on me and said how dare I brake into his house when I had a key! A day after he went on a dating website and has no remorse what so ever. Never even apologized. He also always blamed everything on me and I mean everything!! How are you coping with this? I can't seem to move on and he seems to be having the time of his life.