I've Never Been So Betrayed

This is going to be long, but I feel like I need to tell my story. When I first met Frank he was amazing. We started out as just friends. I was instantly attracted to him. He had this charm about him that just pulled people in. Whenever he talked, people would listen. When we first started talking, his ex-girlfriend's cousin (who is also one of my sorority sisters) warned me that he wasn't who I thought he was and that he was unstable. I didn't believe her because she's known to be a little wild and I figured her cousin was just trying to keep me away from him. Plus he didn't seem like that kind of person. He seemed highly intelligent, funny, caring, and it seemed as if he was everything I had ever wanted in a man. We hadn't been dating too terribly long before he moved into my apartment. His lease was up in July and was planning on moving in December. So rather than renew his lease, he just moved in with me. We were going to see how things panned out and if they worked, then I would be moving with him in December when my lease was up.

He was so amazing. Perfect in every way. He said the right things and did the right things. He said he had never loved anyone as much as he loved me. He took me to look at engagement rings after about four or five months of dating. He said that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He even kind of "adopted" my dog, Jack, and started calling him his dog as well...said we were a little family.

Then I started to get sick. I had terrible headaches that would put me in the hospital. It turned out to be a neurological disorder. He stood by me in every step of the way. He held my hand every time I was in the hospital.He said he would take care of me.

Somewhere along the way, he convinced me that it would make more sense and be more efficient in bill paying to get a joint account. For some reason, I agreed to this, which is completely out of character for me. I never wanted to get a joint account until after I was married, which he knew. Yet he had this way about him that could convince me to do pretty much anything.

He also told me stories of his past. His dad left him when he was eleven out of nowhere and then later died from a massive heart attack as they were about to reconcile when he was in his late teens. He told me stories of his mother abusing him to the point of nearly killing him by locking him in the shower while spraying tile cleaner into the shower while he was in there.

He also told me about past relationships that were abusive to him and how he dated alcoholics. The stories he told were completely shocking-border line unbelievable. But I believed him because he really seemed to be telling the truth.

Anyway, we would argue like any couple would. But he would never completely lose it. It's like he wouldn't actually argue. He would just sit there incredibly calm with no expression on his face. I chalked it up to him just being patient. I wish I had gotten out then.

Other than little arguments here and there, we were completely happy. He was literally the definition of perfect. Everyone loved him. I was SO happy and SO proud to be his woman. On a Friday night, we had a sushi date and watched movies. Later we drove around with milkshakes and drove around town to look at Christmas lights. We were laughing and talking and having a great time. It was about a week before we were supposed to move into our new apartment. The next day we were supposed to put down the deposit after he got off work. And he kept insisting that I take my headache medication for preventive purposes. So that i would be able to go and actually sign paperwork and everything on the new apartment without being in a horrible amount of pain. I need to tell you that this medicine knocks me out like a rock for long periods of time.

He woke me up dressed in his work uniform, kissed me goodbye, and said "I love you, honey. I'll see you after work." That's the only thing I remember and obviously fell back asleep. When I woke up a few hours later...everything in our apartment was gone. I thought we had been robbed. Right as I was calling the police, he walked through the door....with no expression on his face. He told me to sit down and that he had to tell me something.

He said "I'm leaving you. I'm taking the dog. And I promise you that I didn't plan this. It's not you, It's me. I love you. Just wait for me a bit longer. I was planning on proposing in four months." I freaked. Legit freaked. I couldn't even believe this was happening. And he showed absolutely NO emotion and NO guilt for how bad he was hurting me. It came out of nowhere. We hadn't argued and it was RIGHT before our lease was up and we were about to move. Then it popped into my mind-The Joint Account.

I drove immediately to check it...too late. everything was gone. everything. In a few minutes I managed to lose all my money, my apartment lease was up, I lost my job due to my illness, my dog, and this man who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. My world was turned upside down.

Come to find out after talking to several of our coworkers-we had worked at the same place-he had put in a THREE week notice on his job and his last day had been the day before he left me. And he had planned me taking my medication so that I wouldn't hear him leaving. He planned everything down to him getting dressed in his work clothes that morning.

Also, everything about his mother being abusive was a lie. And his past relationships had been lies. Instead of his heart being broken, he is the one who left them. As soon as I confronted him about the lies and the betrayal-not knowing if any part of our relationship had been real...he completely stopped all contact with me. He changed his number and moved again to some unknown place. He didn't even finish moving out of our apartment. He left his pipe, his checkbook, the bed, and several small things including some clothing. He never came back for any of it. He disappeared off the radar.

He took everything from me. And now I'm left wondering how I will ever trust any man in my future. It's a horrible experience to go through...loosing everything you have, losing the man you love, not having answers for anything, and knowing that none of it was actually real. I think the worst is knowing that he doesn't feel any guilt for what he has done. I hope that others learn the signs of a sociopath and very carefully observe who they are with before they completely let someone into their life.

clmoore clmoore
18-21, F
9 Responses Dec 18, 2012

Hi Courtney, I'm so sorry for your trauma. In my research around what happened to me which is similar to yours, I have discovered that the trauma of betrayal is more profound than that caused by death. Although I wouldn't wish this on anyone, it brings me a bit of comfort knowing that I am not alone in this circumstance. I do not have the answers yet, and may never find them...Find peace in greater love Courtney, in the love of a cause or a plight that will bring you peace and joy and in that you will find goodness in the world again and begin to heal from within.

I just got out of a relationship with a sociopath and I want to tell you that your story really helped me. I don't feel so alone.

Okay here is my story. I am an Indian student in the united states who was doing my PhD until now because my career has got completely ruined and left me with a PTSD and severe traumas. This was around 3 years ago that I met T***y. She started behaving like the girl of my dreams. We started as friends and I was healing through a broken heart from my ex where she stepped in and started giving me everything I ever wanted. She used to literally overwhelm my life and used to make me feel so much on top of my world. When we met she had started telling me stories of the trauma inflicted on her by her second ex husband and that she dealt with a lot of issues with her first husband as well and how difficult it was to be a single mother etc and that her second husband was giving her a tough time and threw her out of the house etc. So that was all a gain of sympathy and then in a few months she was telling me I was her soul mate her true love etc and I fell for it. I always though had issues about the amount of people men she used to chat with on Facebook and so had started avoiding her when one day with her Facebook open I read messages of her talking sex with an Egyptian guy. And then another day a different guy again. I thought she was cheating on me and so distanced her. But she kept constantly overwhelming my life with her and I decided that I had it and confronted her. This was when one day I told her I was ready to be with her as she acted so much in love with me and to be sure of what she was doing asked her to give me her email passwords. Since I gave her mine too. One day when I had gone to meet her as I lived in a different city and was staying in a motel where she used to come to meet me, I met a guy who came to talk to me and asked me how I knew her and then told me be careful of her. I ignored but that triggered my curiosity which was when I checked her emails and Facebook only to find that she used to have can sex with men around the world telling each one of them that they were her soul mates. Send pictures videos also used to meet men via craigslist sleep with multiple men, her chats used to be filled with fantasies of her getting raped or being a belly dancer or what not but each were tailor made for the men she spoke with. She even had slept with her ex husbands friends and even had cheated on him several times. When I confronted her about it all she started saying all this was because her father used to abuse her while she was in her teens and the reason for the start. I was instantly melted and she then star end saying and behaving all I ever wanted and even made me feel like she could die if I left her. I stayed. Took her to therapy. But there I realized she was not being true. And over time I started going through depression as she then started blaming me saying I treated her like **** whereas it was the other way round and I was beginning to feel like the culprit of our relation going bad. And then the everyday arguments or suddenly she at the weirdest of times acting the best of people but I wasn't sure if I could trust her and then once checked her laptop and found that she still used to visit craigslist for posts of men and had even made few more email addresses. Earlier when I had found out I had realized that she had around 14 email addresses and chat ids and craigslist accounts and used to do a lot of one night stands. Her craigslist posts were so derogatory that I was shocked. Well back to when I had discovered she was still doing the same thing I was already begun to go through a trauma in the worse phase and was having nightmares of all that I had read about her and that she hadn't changed and in a few more months, she trashed me. When I kept begging her not to hurt me so much she said she cannot be happy with me anymore and doesnt want to feel guilty of being in a relation. She said she wasn't doing any of the online thing anymore but well she was and when I saw that she said I was stalking her. To be honest when I wasn't giving her any attention she used to check in ever friend of mine who was a girl and used to ask me about why I liked any girls pic or used to assume that I was sleeping with them and then said she did all that as she thought I liked all these girls and hence put it all on me.so when now I found out what she was still doing she had her brother threaten me, she threatened to put restraining on me and even used racial or abusive comments when she spoke to me and said I used to abuse her. Well the only time I ever did was called her a ***** when I had discovered her other dark life of getting men to sleep with her . I couldn't even complete my PhD as well and will soon leave the country for good. I had learned that ever gift that I got for her was even used to sleep with or impress other men she used to sleep with. Even the nights of my exams she had slept with men with absolute no protections . when her ex husband tried to contact me as I found out she hadn't divorced she had manipulated me like she always did saying she wanted to marry me and if he knew that he wouldn't let that happen. But as soon as she got divorced she left me bought a new house etc. I today am left with so much mental torment and trauma that can barely even think. I am suffering with so much stress that at times it just makes me feel like go choke myself to death. I didn't want to be with her to start off with but I just became a victim of her lies and schemes and plots which I later realized that even with her ex, she was the one giving him a hard time for the alimony. I today have nightmares and am thinking how will I ever get over her. I lost everything . even after having 3 graduate degrees I feel like a loser and still in such a trauma that I just feel helpless of life.

You could be suffering with PTSD,you went through a lot of constant stress which certainly has affected your nervous system and might even have changed the chemistry of your brain,all that stress and uncertainty can certainly poison the brain,you were very unfortunale to have met this woman,she appears to be a pathological liar and has certainly used you and manipulated and you because you cared for her you were an easy target,I suggest you look up all you can on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,and see a therapist,it will get better in time,but it will take time,you could not finish your studies and this is regretable,counselling should help you in that area to help re orient yourself,now you need rest and to put as much distance between yourself and that woman as possible,so that she cannot cause you any more harm.Take care.

It has been worse...i had literally begged her to not do this to me. I even had asked her why was she doing those things again but she said she has broken up so not answerable to me anymore...and she wasnt going to spend the rest of her life feeling guilty of hurting me and that she has no remorse...she said i had become negative but the truth was after i had found everything about her, she had made another more fake profiles on facebook etc...when i was feeling extremely suicidal and told her i felt like dying she had said to make sure she doesnt know about it if i died....

I wanted to leave her but then she used to tell me if i did that she will live a hermit etc and all that blackmailing....but when i actually was going through all the stress of when she left me saying she didnt feel that way anymore...when i was not letting her manipulate me but make her answerable, she told me that it was my mistake that i stayed....:'(

Being a doctoral student earlier i did all my research in terms of matching symptoms etc...i figured my reason of constant tiredness and loss of appetite etc as adrenal fatigue...i took to drinking alcohol every night for sleep and hence no food..i lost like 50 lbs in like 3 months...i cannot weigh less...m at 120 now...and this is adrenal fatigue acquired from the stress...

You should visit your doctor for a check up,physical and emotional,if you have not already done so,you will also need some counselling to put you back on track.take care.

2 More Responses


I feeel for you and am so sorry. I am in a position of being married along time and just now reaaly finding it out. Its so crazy!

How are you feeling now?

I found out my gf was a sociopath after 3 months. She didnt take anythibg from me other than my heart. Have a look at my story if you can see it. My gf broke my heart the week before christmas. I feel so good now knowing im not with this evil woman. She cant hurt me anymore. Hope you feel a bit better now though

You will need a lot of help and support to regain your self esteem and confidence please see a counsellor,your doctor will be able to recommend you the appropriate one,you cannot do this on your own you were too traumatised,this man played on your emotions,manipulated you and then betrayed you but not all men are like this thank God! there are good loving men around but you will have to regain your trust and confidence,hopefully you will be able to recognise certain warning signs as you must have learned something from this sad,sad,experience.You need a lot of healing.Hugs and take care.

Thank you so much. I really didn't know where to go or what to do after everything that happened. Reaching out to this group and sharing my story was the first step I've taken in getting help and support in this situation. i have considered going to therapy. I recently got information about this and will most likely pursue it. I feel open to anything that could help me get past this. I hope one day that I will be able to find happiness and feel as happy as I did before all of his lies and the "true" him was revealed.

I sincerely hope you will and I wish you the best.Take care.

Miss: Your story, your life with this mentally ill man is much like my two year relationship with what I thought was the woman of my dreams. However self delusion struck us both. I am a nurse, my f2f was also a nurse that a met at work. Thought I knew her well. She was getting a divorce at the same time that I was leaving a bad marriage. She seduced me with her sad, lonely story of missing her two girls, how she had been abused by Her ex- husband. It was only what actually happened and not her stories that made me wake up to the truth. She has BIPOLAR DISORDER and BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. Everything she told me was either a lie, or distortion. She cheated throughout the relationship. However what she did to me does nor compare with her own self destructiveness. She stole narcotics at work, got caught in her lies, but was not arrested. She failed a psych evaluation ordered by the board of nursing here in Florida. She had told me previously about being BIPOLAR, that was not a concern for me as medication controls this disorder well. However, this is when I realized that she must have a personality disorder also. There are no medications for BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. Only lifelong therapy can help someone recover their mental health. She is in total denial. To her nothing is wrong with her, just everyone else is sick. Me to . of course. She lost her nurse' s license last July. Then began pleading with me to save her or she was going to kill herself, as if I had done anything to cause the mess she got herself into. She is so delusional that she thinks she can become a Pharmaceutical sales rep now. She is outwardly just what they want, beautiful, tall, build like a model. Took and passed the certification exam already, but verdant, secretive nature will give her away if the Pharmaceutical companies Don' t catch on to her losing her nurse' s license first. If she disaster this position it will only be a matter of time before drugs or her behavior gets her fired. When I found out that she was going to sleep with some sugardadie that she hooked up with thru a dating site I said enough and have no contact with her now. I would not have know about her becoming a who're but she logged I to her e- mail on my computer and did not erase her password. She is selling herself to some guy for support. He has a wife and 3 kids, checked him out thoroughly. He is going to set her up in a condo. She was giving him all the sexual details of her "servicing his fantasies". Totally destroy herself. Unbelievable what she is ready to do to keep herself alive. BTW: I did love her, not a pretty thought now!

First off, thank you for taking the time to comment on here and tell me your story. secondly, Wow. I couldn't imagine going through all of that for two long years...at least I was able to get out of my relationship sooner than that. I can't imagine how it would feel to find out her secret life-selling herself out to a married man with children. To some extent, I'm glad that I don't know the full story behind my ex and what he is doing now or everything he did behind my back in our relationship. I admit that I am curious; however, I am convinced the truth would be worse than the not knowing. I'm deeply sorry that you had to go through such an experience. And I do understand what you mean about loving her. i thought that Frank was the man of my dreams...that I was the luckiest woman in the world for being with him. Turns out the ugly truth came out and I was just a pawn in his mind games. I know now he is a dangerous man and am thankful that I am out of harm's way-there's no telling what he would have done if he had snapped. I also understand how difficult it is to move on from someone who you thought was so perfect for you and how difficult it is to realize that everything was a carefully planned lie. I wish you the best of luck with your future endeavors and if you ever have one of those "bad" days in the healing process or just need someone to talk with, you can always talk to me. Chances are that I am probably feeling or about to feel the same way

To soldier on merry christmas http://www.uggaustralia-shop.com/

Im so so sorry, I can feel your pain.

Thank you. I just keep wondering how I can move on or actually get over something as big as this. I look back and think I should have ended it when I was warned in the beginning.

Try to be accompanied by family, friends, EP, internet until you can process ur pain. Cant you go with the police at least for your dog??

I probably could. And I have thought about it. A lot of my friends have tried to get me too. But I wouldn't have the first clue of where he is or where to even begin to look. He just kind of disappeared. It just stinks because I rescued Jack. He was mine before Frank and I even started dating.

I think police can find him.

I think you're right. It is at least worth a try. Thank you for taking the time to comment and talk to me about this.

u r welcome, im here if u need

3 More Responses