Bored And Horny: An Online Dating Rant.

I am recently separated and find myself with some free time. I'm bored,lonely, and horny. Being bored, lonely and horny is still better than being with my ex, but that aside... I need to find myself a man. Easiest place? The can find anything on the internet. I'm cute, smart, funny and I have a good job. Finding a man should be easy, right?

I set up my profile on an online dating site...and here is what I found..

Have you ever seen "Friends" where the character Joey says "How YOU doin?" There are a million "How YOU doin?" guys. There are also a million illiterate guys. Tips for men (and maybe women): Google Chrome has automatic spell check and writing in all capital letters makes it sound like you are SHOUTING! There are a million idiots and and losers. Go ahead and call me a snobby *****, but I am not going to date the world's oldest pool boy. If it makes me sound less like a snobby ***** (it probably doesn't), it isn't about how much money these men make, it's about their significant lack of education. What on earth am I supposed to talk to a "pool technician" or construction worker about?

So...I wade through the ******** and losers and target the men I think might work out. I give my cell phone number out to promising men after a week or so of message exchanges on the site, with interesting results. Some never call. One guy never called me, but did leave a message on the dating site saying he would have called, but he got bit by a spider and had to wait for the swelling to go down. Maybe he died of the spider bite, because I never did hear from him. One guy texted and called me for about a week, but when it came to the weekend (time for him to ask me out), he vanished. As side note, this gentleman (on the phone) discussed his angst and guilt about his mother's recent death. Why would you share something like that with someone you don't want to go out with? Maybe I wasn't emotionally supportive enough for him to ask me out???

All told, after a month of internet dating, I have been out on exactly two dates. The first guy was decent looking and semi-interesting, but texted a hundred times a day after our first date and then got mad when I didn't text back. **** that - he had to go. The second guy was a very interesting conversationalist, but somewhat socially awkward. He also smelled really strongly like dog, because he has five dogs... that apparently sleep in his laundry. And then he asked me what my name the end of the date. I had just spent an hour and a half talking to this guy and he didn't know my name. He never called me back, either. Jesus Christ...I got rejected by a geek that smelled like dog.

Please don't bother to leave comments about what you feel might be wrong with ME. I know I'm a *****. I'm aware. ******* need love too.

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Sep 23, 2012