Dating A Drug Dealer
Rewind many months ago, to this night...
From the life of dating a drug dealer boy, things like this happen. A lot. He walks in with dark sunglasses that conveniently hide his coked out eyes. Words are slightly slurred, and he immediately proceeds to begin chugging his personal supply of beer cans...while every so often snorting lines he really doesn't need at this point.
Finally, he notices im there! "Oh gee, where'd you come from?
...You look really pretty. Who'd you go on a date with earlier?"
[5 excruciating minutes later] "So really, who'd you go on a date with? You're dressed to the nines with your booty shorts on....''
[Um, really, just jean shorts, my hair straightened, and a long sleeve shirt, but okay, 'dressed to the nines,' sure buddy.]
He proceeds to constantly look around to find used condoms, because he is now convinced I am sleeping with other guys, and have gone on a date before he came over...at 9 pm! Remind me again, in what world exactly does a date end that early, sweetheart?
At this point, I ask his coked out *** to leave, and go hang out with other coke heads. He proceeds to turn this into my opportunity to sneak my 'boyfriend' in.
I'm literally dying of laughter at this point. He thinks im laughing at him. I am, but he thinks I'm laughing because he's sick, and so he says I'm "not being proper or respectful", and I'm treating him like "some guy" and a "punk".
Um no, honey, I'm treating you like a crackhead that i want out of my house! But thanks for being so respectful, yourself, and politely refusing to leave!!! [I smile extremely sarcastically at him.]
I keep laughing, because now I'm not supposed to, and I can't help it when he's trying to be serious, but is so damn out of it!!!
Then he looks at me and musters his remaining coherence to say, "Why do you think you're so hot? Just wait till i get better."
"Oh, okay buddy boy, threaten me all you want with your 'wheels'!"
"What??? I'm not threatening you!!"
Jealousy proceeds to infiltrate his muddled mind, when he hears me say some guy is a 'smokeshow' on the phone to my best friend. My best friend is using said 'smokeshow' to make her ex jealous [and I’m only on the phone with her at this point, to distract myself from the painfully stupid scene playing out at my house].
Drug dealer boy has been attempting to follow along with the conversation, and due to his attention seeking nature, he can't stop himself from expertly pointing out what a loser her ex was…
Mr. Delusional also subtly explains that nobody can compare to his self-appointed greatness. I politely nod my head in agreement, and smile the way most psychiatrists must smile at their patients when they tell them some long winded story about their imaginary friend sitting next to them....
And, literally 5 minutes after everything he says, there seems to be no recollection of the content. Needless to say, it was entertainment at its best.
Too bad it was MY life.