Day Two

Last night She came home from work at around midnight. After talking to her for a good time about how we could work things out if there was no one else involved as she had said, she finally admitted she had fallen for another man. She told me that she had been out of love with me for a few years, but this man and her feelings for him were the catalyst for our break up. I had heard her talk about John at work before and had a feeling this was the man. I told Her this, and she asked how I knew. I told her it was because I wasn't stupid, although it was a bit of a guess. She said that "nothing had happened" (I'm not 100% sure, but I think this means no sex) and they didn't want some kind of secret affair behind each of their partner's backs. John is married with children.
My thoughts on this .....I love Her with all my heart, and think she should come back from the brink before this all explodes into a sorry mess as it surely must. Divorces need reasons, and law is only about facts. This episode with John must be brought up, I think it is inevitable.
I can't pretend in front of our kids for long. I've told them I'm not feeling well, and daughter Emma has slept over at Aunty Anne's for two nights.

I've decided to fight for Her and our marriage.
She has told me there's no point, it's too late, she doesn't love me like that anymore, and I can listen to and believe her or I can remember that only just over a week ago we made love in a hotel, a few months ago we danced in the kitchen to the embarrassment of our kids and were making plans for her 40th birthday in Italy, spent a lot of the year laughing as she beat me at ******* scrabble again, and recently listened as she told me how the staff cringed at her at work when she harped on about how lovely I was!
So, I can give up, say you win, work something out with someone else, I'm off, or I can fight.
If I fight there can only be two outcomes as I see it.
1) I win the fight and in the years ahead She will come to see how I fought for her because I loved her so much.
2) I lose the fight, I will have tried, and She will eventually end up happy anyway.
If I don't fight, there is only one outcome. I lose. I lose twenty years of happy memories. I lose being at home waiting for my kids to come in. I lose my self respect for not having tried, and I lose Her. In the years ahead when my kids say "you loved mum so much, what did you do?" I can say I did this and that, and not that I gave in straight away.
Problem is I'm not a fighter, at least not physically. But I have a good brain, I'm clever and resourceful, and I will use everything I have.
I would regret not trying a million times more than I'd regret trying and losing.
Mistermistake Mistermistake
51-55, M
Dec 5, 2012